Gareth Pugh

On Gareth Pugh (whom i think, is the most talented fashion designer during our time) - If only one day the world will be dressed in his vision. It would be a futuristic - latex - black - leather - cubism - fetish kind of look with a very edgy feel and appeal about it. I would like to get my hands on some of the jackets, but it would be totally weird to dress this way when everyone is still in the blue  jeans era. It would be something like a scene out of the matrix - only cooler without those stupid sunglasses indoors.

If i

Happy and Contented

I am currently in a very happy and contented state of my life that I wish would go on forever in a place where we belong. I never had experienced this state of tranquilly for such a long time, maybe the only moments I had ever felt this way was being caressed like a baby in my mother’s arms. I feel safe, secure and protected. I felt I had been fighting a war and I could finally rest.

After touring New York and Los Angeles, I discovered more ugliness in capitalism. After coming back to Melbourne, I discovered more beauty in the small and simple things in life that can never be brought or sold. If I had a choice, I would make my world beautiful and live in it like a doll in a doll house. I have been doing just that, decorating my new home with floral patterns and soft white linen. There is a green lush tree outside my window that smiles at me each day. I had found my happiness, and I am very lucky indeed.

I am honestly sick with my old life. I wish never to return to it again. I hated living a lie. It was everything I was not. I never felt accepted or appreciated for who I was. I never felt belonged. I always felt I dropped out from outer space and landed on the wrong place. I was misunderstood for a quarter of my life, and I am going to put an end to it all, for I can plan what I want for myself for the next three quarters of my life ahead.

Here, I feel belonged. I feel safe. I feel appreciated. I feel beautiful. I feel that the world is waiting for me, and I don’t have to chase or fight for anything. I can stay in my shell and know that when I come out I will not be harmed.

I will be revamping this site soon to start afresh on a new note.

Cutesy Aver

Photography by Jemapela taken at University of Melbourne.

Size 8 Going On Size 10

After since I came to Australia, being fed rich and tasty food in huge portions, going out with friends and eating all those sins…

I think my days of modeling is numbered.

As much as I like to be in front of the camera and edit images, being in this country is going to just make me gain more and more weight till I become undesirable and unattractive.

That kind of sucks.

Let me show you why I can’t lose weight here.

My favourite mushroom pasta at la porchetta.

Sophia gigantic portions that can feed a family.

The very enjoyable cafe/pub culture outdoors

And of course, the lack of exercise because its simply too cold or too hot to do so.
Now i am on a sushi diet, as it seems to be the only thing here that is small in size for girls who want to remain attractive. Gosh.

On The Hills

The Assassins

The Romance of the Last Dance

Why do I see behind your wrinkled eyes
The sadness of a young girl who was once beautiful?
Now bounded to domestic chores and rearing of children
Your fragile hands becoming thin
Your health diminishing
as your vitality of youth
seems to fade
as the fences around your home
seem to lock you inside

Your husband, who pursued you
with promises of security and comfort
Now, in another land of male chauvinism
The dollar sign in his mind as his eyes avert you
His eyes preying at the skimpy dressed girls in the night club

You remembered, not so long ago,
The familiar tune fills up the dance floor
As you turned and swayed, hands in his
your head in his chest, listening to his heartbeat
The romance of the last dance

You awake from your fantasy
As a vast empty room greets you
You look at the gold clock
That stopped ticking long ago
As you continue your routine
around the home, while waiting for him
to come back once more.

A Man

weakness for lust evokes the woman’s terrible fury of jealousy

Forsaken

My wings were torn apart from me
As I was left there, forsaken.

“You can fly without your wings.”
a whisper enchanted my ears.

I closed my eyes and saw
My wings racing through the skies once more.
The flight of joy and excitement
cruising, escaping, racing
against time, against the wind

I never felt so beautiful.
A phoenix rising, a rebirth
of my soul.

I can fly once more.

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