Heaven on Earth
A writer’s work reveals the deepest desires in his soul - William Somerset Maugham
I just woke up from what it seems like a scene direct out of being submerged in water, floating in the middle in the milky blue seas. My body is aching from probably sleeping on one side, my cat is upset and has chose to sleep on the floor to show her resentment towards me, for coming back late every other day. The tunes of Malicer Mizer - Gardenia fill the air. I have always thought that music is a healing tool that transports its listeners to another world, the muscians are angels who descend from above to fill the world with tranquil and peaceful tunes. I always thought of heaven being a place where angels sing and play stringed instruments such as the harp and violin. I love music, especially classical music. The purity and emotions, the soulfulness… I could fall sleep knowing that I am safe by being surrounded in pure blissful music.
When open my eyes, I see the morning sun filtering through the curtains, symbolising a start to a new day. I turn around and see you sleeping beside me, and I caress your hair with my fingers. I felt a strange feeling, a feeling I had long forgotten - the feeling of pure contentment and bliss. The feeling I had when my mother held my hand when I was a child, the feeling I had when my dad carried me home on his back when I fell asleep in the car after a late concert, the feeling I had when my parents were behind me when I skipped around in front of them when was little. This strange feeling came back to me - a feeling long forgotten in this chaotic place. For that moment, I felt that we were in a safe heaven, only two of us in this world of ours. I longed for this feeling of safety all my life, and I am glad that I had found it with you. I was always the one to take charge and pave dangerous ways for others to cross, I was always on an alert mode, trying to avoid flying daggers and bloody traps. With you, I know that I can walk safely behind you and not get hurt any longer. And there I, supporting you from behind, giving you strength and courage. If there was a match in heaven, it would be us.
The lines between heaven and earth
disappears when I am beside you.
A Whirlwind
You came, like a whirlwind into my life and turned it around.
In this mirage, I see my old past decaying as a new seed is planted.
I am in a totally new universe with you
A much happier, beautiful world
That I am safe in.
You can never see yourself
No matter how much I try, I cannot see myself as much as I can observe others. I can discover some hidden talents in others, and their inner mysteries, and many more things about them. For myself, I can’t seem to do the same, I am like an observer on a vantage point of view, looking below. I can’t seem to look at myself.
In turn others can look at me, and tell me what is wrong with myself. That is when I discovered my own talents which I was absolutely not aware of. I truly appreciate their feedback and comments. Somethings just comes naturally to me, so I will not be aware of the gifts I have till someone else identifies it. It goes the same with others as well.
It makes me think again, do we do the things we do to please others or to please ourselves? Or both ways? For many of the things I consciously do, I do it to please myself first, before pleasing others. I used to like to please others by doing things they want me to do, but I realised that is not what I want to do. Thats when I stopped, and took a step back, and started to do things I want.
It is strange that we live in a world that we are so concerned with judgments on us, on the things we do and the way we look. I feel that people pass judgments too easily nowadays from the smallest of things. They tend to magnify the smallest things into the biggest things to gain publicity, and it irks me to think that the media industry is profiteering heavily from sensational news about other people’s personal lives. And that even people are buying those news, that people want to see others in misfortune. Its pretty sad isn’t it? I have stopped reading the news ages ago, now focusing on more lifestyle and self improvement orientated publications. I find more constructiveness in that, rather than to read the plight of other poor souls.
I will be printing a name card for my blog/website soon. It is called a writer’s card? Someone asked what do I do, and I told him that I am a writer, and he asked for my writer’s card, and I didn’t have one. I was slightly embrassed, bu I made it a point to print a copy. It will be so awesome.
The Victorian Romance
This story is dedicated to my secret lover.
———————-
I am there, waiting for you on top of the white marble stairs, wearing a beige and white Victorian evening gown with a low neckline, accentuating my cleavage and with a pearl choker on my neck. The dress fabric clinging on tightly on my skin, lace covered blouse and lavish silk trailed from my skirt all the way to the floor.
I held a white silk satin fan and covered my lips as you walked up the stairs, your eyes taking in all the beauty set before you, white circular columns surround us in front of the grand entrance to the hallway. You took off your top hat and bowed before me, and offered your right arm. I slid my left arm into yours, a sense of security swept over me and we entered the hallway.
A wide white stairs greeted us, and we proceeded up the stairs, arm in arm. I looked around the white house and gold framed paintings covered the walls with portraits and still life. You walked into the cloak room and took off your hat and removed your evening cloak, untying the string in the middle. I watched you quietly outside the room, you took out your cloak and hung it on the nob. Your manliness showed clearly in every movement. You came out of the cloak room and offered your arm once more, I held it and wondered if I am the luckiest girl in this world. I looked at your side profile and saw a man of assurance, of confidence and ready to take on the world stage.
We walked on the carpeted floor towards the grand ballroom where all the rest of the guests are. They turned their heads to look at us as we entered the room. You proudly held my arm and started to entertain the guests with your formal voice. One by one, they came up to us remarked how perfectly matched we are, and how beautiful I looked. I smiled demurely as they turned to look at me. I wanted to hide very much from the embrassment from their comments, but you held me close. You switched the topic to business, and continued talking confidently. I slipped away from your arm and joined the ladies at the back.
————
To be continued.
Something Deep
There is this calmness about him, his hard exterior shell, that nothing seems to penetrate. There is this confidence about him, in his every movement, every gesture. That reassuring eyes, that eyes that speak of mysteries. That mind which seems to dive deep into mine, controlling every inch of my senses. When I look at him and lay my hand on his chest, I feel reassured that no one can harm me with him around. His strong arm supporting me from behind, protecting me.
There is this emotional turbulence inside him that I feel on his heart. Deep and intense emotions, like turbulent waves crashing on shores, this emotions run deep inside him. This intense deep emotions smothering inside him, for the things he love. These deep waves consumes him, and we kiss.
There is this mystery about me, that no one will ever know. No one will ever know what I am thinking, or what am I going to do, for I am unpredictable. I hold all the cards in my hands, and play the game, in total control of the situation. I have the upper hand, for I am the queen of hearts. My fingers seduce, my lips entice, my red dress conceals.
There is this burning desire within me, to conquer the skies and leaving red glowing fire trails behind my every move. My phoneix force, dying to get out and awaken. No one has found me, no one has realised, but I know who I am. I am sure you do too. My eyes are burning with desire, to reach out and touch you inside, to tell you its okay, to give you that same reassurance, to go for what you want. For that moment, you felt what heaven feels with me around your body, my fiery tail encircling you, giving you courage. For that moment, you never want me to ever leave you, for you desired me so badly, so badly it hurts.
I fly into the skies once again, leaving you under the waters, where you wish I would find you again.
Bliss
Bellini, Dempsey… Supper…
Port Wine, Madame Bufferfly, Grasshopper. Kiss.
Happy hour on free hugs and kisses all day
Watching Angels and Demons, watching you lying on my arm.
Bliss, contentment, tender loving care
Understanding, acceptance, letting go.
Leaving at nightfall, returning in daylight.
This is probably the most enjoyable times in my life.
I love you.