There is this calmness about him, his hard exterior shell, that nothing seems to penetrate. There is this confidence about him, in his every movement, every gesture. That reassuring eyes, that eyes that speak of mysteries. That mind which seems to dive deep into mine, controlling every inch of my senses. When I look at him and lay my hand on his chest, I feel reassured that no one can harm me with him around. His strong arm supporting me from behind, protecting me.

There is this emotional turbulence inside him that I feel on his heart. Deep and intense emotions, like turbulent waves crashing on shores, this emotions run deep inside him. This intense deep emotions smothering inside him, for the things he love. These deep waves consumes him, and we kiss.

There is this mystery about me, that no one will ever know. No one will ever know what I am thinking, or what am I going to do, for I am unpredictable. I hold all the cards in my hands, and play the game, in total control of the situation. I have the upper hand, for I am the queen of hearts. My fingers seduce, my lips entice, my red dress conceals.

There is this burning desire within me, to conquer the skies and leaving red glowing fire trails behind my every move. My phoneix force, dying to get out and awaken. No one has found me, no one has realised, but I know who I am. I am sure you do too. My eyes are burning with desire, to reach out and touch you inside, to tell you its okay, to give you that same reassurance, to go for what you want. For that moment, you felt what heaven feels with me around your body, my fiery tail encircling you, giving you courage. For that moment, you never want me to ever leave you, for you desired me so badly, so badly it hurts.

I fly into the skies once again, leaving you under the waters, where you wish I would find you again.

Today, I brought a packet of lucky stars (in their paper form), those they used to sell in small provision shops. With the onslaught of fast food, we have fast gifts too. Over time, those small shops stopped selling these lucky stars as people just simply did not have the time to make them. When I saw the shop selling them, it came upon me that humanity can be saved – with just a little more sincerity in the things we do.

All of us have our addictions, for mine, its the pills, without them I won’t be able write like that. Every person I know has an addiction – shopping, gaming, gambling… the list goes on. Why do we need addictions? If you ask me why, I would just simply say the world is screwed up. If the onslaught of commercialisation and slaving our general populace to work, create unnecessary stresses and burdens, and greed did not exist, we will generally be happier, and folding lucky stars. That is my way of coping, by doing so retardedly stupid things that make no sense to practicality.

I am, in fact, very angry and disturbed every time I step out of my door. When I come home at night, I feel sadness again. Sadness for the world, for social inequality, for wide income gaps… for suffering and poverty. I would think each night how to create a just and fair world where everyone would be happy. But in reality, this happy world just does not exist with greed.

Why are you so angsty? Well, maybe, I have more feelings then you do, that I do care about people around me instead of just myself, which we have been conditioned by the world to do so. Which idiot would be a hero and save the rest and give up his own life nowadays? No, everyone would just watch the rest die in front of their eyes and laugh after that, like those twisted movies we see on our screens each day. Slowly, we will learn not to feel, and be automated and shaped by the media, people and government in what sort of appropriate behaviour we are expected to portray.

Go screw up your life, tell me how you feel when that happens.
(or tell me, why don’t you want to screw up your life)

Well, after reading my last post you must have found me the most skeptical person in the world, don’t you agree? But i have answers for you, answers that you seek. Why do you hide your true self away from the world? Are you afraid to hurt others? No, that is not true at all. I can tell you the real reason why, because, you are are afraid to hurt yourself. Think about that. Ponder over it, before proceeding.

Every human is born pure and good, the world corrupts them slowly and cruelly with all the harshness it throws onto you, blanking you out from a world of light to a world of darkness. That is why, we naturally fear darkness, fear the unknown, fear. That fear cripples us, makes us helpless and weak. That fear, controls you, eats you up inside, and consumes you.

Let me tell you the next universal truth that you should know - fear is imaginary. It is your imagination running wild, but it isn’t there. You created the fear, the fear of yourself. Your fear is an illusion. You can use your mind to conquer it, make it disappear.

Are you loving me now? After all, I am The Addict, the most morbid person you will ever find that will forcibly drench a pail of cold water on your face to wake you up inside. I am probably, your worst fear, because I am able to tell you the truths you been hiding from. Do you agree not?

How do you conquer fear? It is simple actually, it is just one four letter word that embodies the essence of the world – love. Love conquers fear. The next time you meet the person you love, give him/her a hug, and tell me how you feel.

Are you loving me? Yes, I am loving you too. Catch me if you can.

We are living in a world so harsh that I take my pills each day to numb me from the pain. They ask me why do I do it, I could only tell them, “imagine being happy and relaxed… without any worries, won’t you want to join me too?”

Everyone has a different way of coping with the harsh reality, one of the most common escapism is alcoholism, which several of my friends are addicted to. I take my pills, drink, and dance the night away… without any care of a shit in this world.

Aren’t we all just a group of escapist from a circus that ran wild? Yes, I would say, we all are in the same sinking boat to depression. Aren’t you guilty of this too? Of wanting to run away and never come back to this horrid place?

You tell me, you are out of your mind. I would say to you, how about you? Are you sane from all the shit or burying your head in the sand and screaming in the darkness each night. No, you are not sane either, one day you will break down and explode like a dynamite. This I tell you, because of the countless of suicide cases each day resulting from the stresses of life. Do you believe me not?

Join me in my parade of pills, sitting in line with a cup of clear water to drown them all, before drifting into a better world, a world without stresses or a shit to care.

I thought about dying, the sure way I wouldn’t want to die from overdose of pills and alcohol. That is so uncool. The coolest way to die, is to be ripped of everything I have by a stranger, to be stripped bare and raped forcibly while being cut up alive… till I bleed to death.

You fear me now? Or do you fear death? Death is nothing at all, I look at it in the eye daily, death is much better then living. But while we are living, we have to find a way out of this place. How? By control and influencing the masses to believe in us. You agree with me not? That we are controlled now?

Pardon my frankness, for I am real and you are not.

Are you spellbound by my lips? My gentle caress down your back… bringing you closer to a place no one knows.

She left

me standing there

as I pleaded

and cried

for her not to go

she walked away

further and further

I ran towards the gates

and shook it hard

as she walked

further

and

further

as her figure became

smaller

and

smaller

Till I could see nothing left

as I waited

and

waited

for her to come back

for days

and

days

As I was locked up

in the gates.

Today, I learnt of a new defence mechanism people use to defend themselves. It is called “projection”.

In psychology, psychological projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism in which one attributes one’s own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts and/or emotions to others.
Source: Wikipedia

It is very interesting indeed. Have you ever came across a time that someone said that you are to blame when you have done nothing wrong (and you know that person who accused you did the error himself) and find it so contradicting as why someone would blame you for something they have done? Basically, we have to understand, they are actually defending themselves from their own mistake.

I came across instances whereby my friends were talking about a person shifting the blame to everyone around him when he is gulity of the vices. They can’t help it but find it quite frustrating when he would not admit he is in the wrong!

Projection, like all defense mechanisms, provides a function whereby a person can protect their conscious mind from a feeling that would otherwise be repulsive.

The thing about humans is that we have this thing called the “ego”. Many of us are controled by this ego, it can also be called a monster (in other words). The more we listen to it, the more we are enslaved to our ego. Our defense mechanisms are built in a way so that our ego (pride) would not be hurt. The only way to be freed is to “destroy the ego”. How do we do that? I will talk about it next time…

The next time someone accuses you or something that you did not do, reflect on it and try to see if it fits the person who is accusing you of the vice (and 99% of the time, the person is actually guilty of the deed).

Luvie loves her macbook too, apparently I was about to write a poem about her when she decided to put her paw onto my caps lock key, hitting it incessantly as she slept. In irritatance, I pushed her off my computer and she gave a grumpy “meow” as she jumped off the table and proceeded to my bed instead. What a pampered kitty it is.

She looks like the tuxedo cat on the side of my blog doesnt she? haha…

Swept across the shores of Nanyang, bringing the fusion of Jpop culture into our local indie bands. It was totally awesome. Tall leather boots and dutch inspired mini skirts was a common sight at Potong Pasir Community Center while old uncles wearing shorts and slippers looked in awe at the sight of these young teens with flashy guitars and hairdos penetrating into the heartlands.

At the backstage, hairstylists and band members assembled in conference-turned-makeup rooms to prepare for their performance. Guys were getting their hair rebonded, made to wear skirts and even donning heavy white foundation and eyelashes.

When they went onto stage, they totally rocked the dance floor with their wild head-banging moves as their dyed long hair flew all over (literally). The crowd welcomed their performance with loud cheers.

It is certainty surprising to see how Jrock has integrated into our music local scene and project breakout has certainity did a great job in organising this gig for all Jpop lovers.

———————————-

Article by Averal Lim
Photos by Jericho Photography