The Addict Speaks - Escapism

We are living in a world so harsh that I take my pills each day to numb me from the pain. They ask me why do I do it, I could only tell them, “imagine being happy and relaxed… without any worries, won’t you want to join me too?”

Everyone has a different way of coping with the harsh reality, one of the most common escapism is alcoholism, which several of my friends are addicted to. I take my pills, drink, and dance the night away… without any care of a shit in this world.

Aren’t we all just a group of escapist from a circus that ran wild? Yes, I would say, we all are in the same sinking boat to depression. Aren’t you guilty of this too? Of wanting to run away and never come back to this horrid place?

You tell me, you are out of your mind. I would say to you, how about you? Are you sane from all the shit or burying your head in the sand and screaming in the darkness each night. No, you are not sane either, one day you will break down and explode like a dynamite. This I tell you, because of the countless of suicide cases each day resulting from the stresses of life. Do you believe me not?

Join me in my parade of pills, sitting in line with a cup of clear water to drown them all, before drifting into a better world, a world without stresses or a shit to care.

I thought about dying, the sure way I wouldn’t want to die from overdose of pills and alcohol. That is so uncool. The coolest way to die, is to be ripped of everything I have by a stranger, to be stripped bare and raped forcibly while being cut up alive… till I bleed to death.

You fear me now? Or do you fear death? Death is nothing at all, I look at it in the eye daily, death is much better then living. But while we are living, we have to find a way out of this place. How? By control and influencing the masses to believe in us. You agree with me not? That we are controlled now?

Pardon my frankness, for I am real and you are not.

Spellbound

Are you spellbound by my lips? My gentle caress down your back… bringing you closer to a place no one knows.

Gates

She left

me standing there

as I pleaded

and cried

for her not to go

she walked away

further and further

I ran towards the gates

and shook it hard

as she walked

further

and

further

as her figure became

smaller

and

smaller

Till I could see nothing left

as I waited

and

waited

for her to come back

for days

and

days

As I was locked up

in the gates.

Projection

Today, I learnt of a new defence mechanism people use to defend themselves. It is called “projection”.

In psychology, psychological projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism in which one attributes one’s own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts and/or emotions to others.
Source: Wikipedia

It is very interesting indeed. Have you ever came across a time that someone said that you are to blame when you have done nothing wrong (and you know that person who accused you did the error himself) and find it so contradicting as why someone would blame you for something they have done? Basically, we have to understand, they are actually defending themselves from their own mistake.

I came across instances whereby my friends were talking about a person shifting the blame to everyone around him when he is gulity of the vices. They can’t help it but find it quite frustrating when he would not admit he is in the wrong!

Projection, like all defense mechanisms, provides a function whereby a person can protect their conscious mind from a feeling that would otherwise be repulsive.

The thing about humans is that we have this thing called the “ego”. Many of us are controled by this ego, it can also be called a monster (in other words). The more we listen to it, the more we are enslaved to our ego. Our defense mechanisms are built in a way so that our ego (pride) would not be hurt. The only way to be freed is to “destroy the ego”. How do we do that? I will talk about it next time…

The next time someone accuses you or something that you did not do, reflect on it and try to see if it fits the person who is accusing you of the vice (and 99% of the time, the person is actually guilty of the deed).

Macbook Kitty

Luvie loves her macbook too, apparently I was about to write a poem about her when she decided to put her paw onto my caps lock key, hitting it incessantly as she slept. In irritatance, I pushed her off my computer and she gave a grumpy “meow” as she jumped off the table and proceeded to my bed instead. What a pampered kitty it is.

She looks like the tuxedo cat on the side of my blog doesnt she? haha…

Merry Christmas

Project Breakout Vol 2

Swept across the shores of Nanyang, bringing the fusion of Jpop culture into our local indie bands. It was totally awesome. Tall leather boots and dutch inspired mini skirts was a common sight at Potong Pasir Community Center while old uncles wearing shorts and slippers looked in awe at the sight of these young teens with flashy guitars and hairdos penetrating into the heartlands.

At the backstage, hairstylists and band members assembled in conference-turned-makeup rooms to prepare for their performance. Guys were getting their hair rebonded, made to wear skirts and even donning heavy white foundation and eyelashes.

When they went onto stage, they totally rocked the dance floor with their wild head-banging moves as their dyed long hair flew all over (literally). The crowd welcomed their performance with loud cheers.

It is certainty surprising to see how Jrock has integrated into our music local scene and project breakout has certainity did a great job in organising this gig for all Jpop lovers.

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Article by Averal Lim
Photos by Jericho Photography

Late Nights

driving along the highways watching flashing neon lights.

coming home half dead and half drunk on sleep deprivation.

Yakuza Moon

is a great book. I would recommend it for a good read. It depicts a true life account of a Japanese gangster daughter and how she endured all the hardships. Most of the men in her life had abused her in one way or another. She finally did meets someone who respected her but they were in much suffering.

I feel that in the tradition Asian context the men of the household wields too much control over women. Things are set to change because women are increasingly gaining financial independence, they are, in fact becoming stronger. I truly admire women who silently withstand abuse from their husbands in order to protect the young.

Personally, I have not regained much trust in men. If even a choice, I would rather depend on myself. The prospect of marriage and having children does not likely to me at the moment, but I might change my mind in future. I rather be self sufficient and left to my own. Maybe it is just my preference for being solitary from a young age. This book further reconfirms my judgment. I cried several times while reading the book, they bring tears to my eyes, it is was so heart breaking.. and yet looking at her petite figure, one would never realise that she has been through so much.

Reflection

When you look at yourself in the mirror, who do you see?

These few days I have seen a beautiful angel, staring back at me, she comes out and hugs me in her warm embrace. She pours all her love into me from her heart. I fill her love fill me up with never ending joy and bliss. She looks and smiles and me before going back into the mirror, and I see myself.

I have also seen what happens when others look at themselves into the mirror. When they look at themselves in the mirror, they see ugliness in their reflection. They immediately cover the mirror in layers and layers of cloth. They try to get rid of the mirror as well, by dumping it outside. They hide in their room, afraid to look at any mirrors.

“He looks at himself in the mirror, his ugliness overwhelms him so much that he smashed the mirror onto the floor. Pieces of glass shattered across the floor, he looked down and saw the broken pieces of his distorted face, staring back at him. In fear, he ran out of the room. He ran and ran towards the darkness. The darkness welcomes him with open arms, gobbling him up like a black hole.