Avicularia

Michael loves tarantulas, and this pet he has is named after me.

I just love those water glaring eyes of hers… she looks so pretty as a grown up now!

The longest writing block ever

I have not been writing actively for around 5 months now. It is quite frightening to blank out, when I have been doing so on a daily basis. I would attribute it to many factors - stress from adapting, travelling, too engaged with other projects. I would like to write more, but my mindset is rather different now. It is quite difficult to put it to words.

I had recently undertook a online writer’s course, but still I am lacking in motivation or inspiration to write. I feel like I am someone else. I might come under a different pen name for the sake of being “someone else”. I will be attempting to write more outside as I have been stuck at home for the past few weeks.

I always wanted to invent a device to increase the amount of time I have to work by extracting it from others who do not need their time (because they are lazy or unmotivated). Sometimes, I think we are not utilizing our maximum productivity because of pure procrastination. After a certain limit of working, we naturally tend to feel tired and lethargic. Imagine if you could take a syringe, poke it into some lazy dude, and extract his time so you can increase your productivity. I am sure he would be happy for that (as he would feel life is too boring for him anyway - does that sound familiar to you?). Sounds weird but it does make alot of sense.

Happy and Contented

I am currently in a very happy and contented state of my life that I wish would go on forever in a place where we belong. I never had experienced this state of tranquilly for such a long time, maybe the only moments I had ever felt this way was being caressed like a baby in my mother’s arms. I feel safe, secure and protected. I felt I had been fighting a war and I could finally rest.

After touring New York and Los Angeles, I discovered more ugliness in capitalism. After coming back to Melbourne, I discovered more beauty in the small and simple things in life that can never be brought or sold. If I had a choice, I would make my world beautiful and live in it like a doll in a doll house. I have been doing just that, decorating my new home with floral patterns and soft white linen. There is a green lush tree outside my window that smiles at me each day. I had found my happiness, and I am very lucky indeed.

I am honestly sick with my old life. I wish never to return to it again. I hated living a lie. It was everything I was not. I never felt accepted or appreciated for who I was. I never felt belonged. I always felt I dropped out from outer space and landed on the wrong place. I was misunderstood for a quarter of my life, and I am going to put an end to it all, for I can plan what I want for myself for the next three quarters of my life ahead.

Here, I feel belonged. I feel safe. I feel appreciated. I feel beautiful. I feel that the world is waiting for me, and I don’t have to chase or fight for anything. I can stay in my shell and know that when I come out I will not be harmed.

I will be revamping this site soon to start afresh on a new note.