Zouk

“Give tuition during the day
Spend it all in the night at Zouk”

This is life for a 19 year old isn’t it?

A Turn Of Events

A recent turn of events has lead to my current state of mind: What am I doing with my life? I do try to help my friends all the time with their direction but somewhere somehow I am always lost in my own journey.

When i start working on a project i tend to take joy in doing it for a while before i lose interest and look somewhere else. I am losing interest in the things i am doing… and everytime this happens i start to think what should i do next.

I kind of like marketing, i have been playing around with SEO techniques for the fun of it. I think my mind is built for business no doubt, it is natural to me. Then i start on my books and lose focus again, maybe the lack of inspiration. and there is the movie script that i have not submitted although it is close to completion. There are tuition assignments i have been taking on for financial independence, i do enjoy teaching kids so that is not a question.

One of my “Abstract” Artwork

I been spending late nights on long reports and essays for school (and losing myself doing them), afternoons on tuition. I still do not feel fulfilled in any way, there got to be something larger than all the mundane stuff i am doing. Like saving the world? lol… joking. When i see people who had “made” it in their own areas of achievement i ask myself what am I doing in my little comfort zone doing nothing

I do want to do more artistic stuff, but there is so little time. My studies and tuition is sucking my blood dry. I am thinking of not working for a while after graduation. Again i know what i want now might not be what happens in future so i am lost somewhere in the forest once again. I kind of regret my decision not enrolling in a arts faculty for purely practical reasons, there is a hidden artist that i want to explore deep within me. Or probably the lack of writing courses in Singapore makes my journey of self exploration pretty miserable and lonely.

Another of my artwork, done while daydreaming

Maybe I need a break… more alcohol and getting high would do the job.

Post Graduate?

My parents are thinking of sending me abroad for a master’s degree before i even completed my bachelors!

See how it goes… I am only graduating next year… it will be quite some time before anything happens.

Winding Pathways

I used to live in a big estate by the reservoir. There was huge gardens with endless cycling tracks amidst the lush greenery and botanical life. I would cycle up and down the hill for the thrill of feeling the wind gushing pass my hair and landing safety at the bottom right in front of my home.

Bedok Reservoir

I remember my childhood as it is, like the wind, winding along the pathways like a ray of light. I could vildly recall that i made “cycling” buddies in my neighborhood as we rode bikes together. We would travel to the reservoir nearby and race to see who is faster ( I lost most of the time due to my gender ). The winding paths of green is a fond memory of my childhood, and i am reliving it all over again with my new bicycle.

The New Estate Development

When my previous estate got thrown down and apart to make way for new developments due to limited land on this island, I knew that we would not ever find a place this spacious again. The house I am living currently is situated in the middle of the traffic junction, full of cars, noise and pollution. Fortunately, East Coast is a stone throw away from my new home. With the remaining memory of my childhood, i decided to pick up cycling on a regular basis.

East Coast Park

My new bicycle felt identical to the bicycle i used during my childhood. It is small, sleek and fast. The wheels are 20 inches in size, maybe that is why i feel so comfortable with it. It navigates smoothly on the pavements, it is too dangerous to ride on the roads in this end of town. I do hope they will look into developing bicycle tracks around the city in near future. It is one of the most energy efficient way of commuting without any carbon emissions.

Go Green With Bicycles

I took my Dahon D7 Speed for a test ride and it never felt so good to feel “alive”. The waves of the sea and paths of green led my way through memory lane. It felt like never before, the days whereby my father would bring my cousin and I to cycle at the beach on weekends when we were little kids. We would cycle till the skies were dark and head backwards towards home.

Being a nature loving person, cycling is one of the ways whereby I can connect with nature at a leisurely private pace, admiring the forests and its sounds. Everyday, it feels different to cycle the same stretch of forest, they always have new surprises to look out for; a flower has bloomed, a twig has dropped or a new sprout has grown.

I am finally at ease with nature once again.

Dahon Speed D7 (Best Value Foldable)

I was thinking about getting a bicycle to cycle to my student’s place at East Coast for some time. After much considering the pros and cons, the lack of exercise ( my laziness to go to gym! ) and drooling over bicycle pictures over the past few days… i made up my mind on the most practical and economical decision of my life.

Video On Bicycle Mobility On Our Lifestyles

I stumbled upon reading a review on Dahon Speed D7:

The Business week best value folder - Speed D7 features a robust and sporty frame with Deluxe components that make it such an unbelievable value. The frame is hand-welded from custom-drawn 4130 chromoly Sonus tubing, making it possibly the stiffest folding bike frame on the market. The D7 features our new Dahon Neos rear derailleur, a revolutionary new design that has an ultra short cage for improved ground clearance and super fast shifting. We’ve paired the Neos with an 11-30T freewheel, which, when compared with a 14-28T freewheel, represents a 37% increase in gear range. Sleek, simple and excellent value - just what most people want in a folding bike.

I fell instantly in love with it and used my first paycheck to buy it home from the nearest dealer:

Dahon Speed D7 sitting outside my home

Reasons why i brought a foldable bicycle:
1 ) To hop on the bus or train when it rains
2 ) For easy storage (there are too many things in the house!)
3 ) To exercise and save money on transport
4 ) I am too lazy to go to the gym or exercise
5 ) I realized i have been gaining pounds ever since i met Jeri
6 ) I love the colour and sleekness, it is just so me!
7 ) I fell in love with it instantly and and i know it would be mine!
8 ) It is affordable, cost savings in the long run from not taking bus.

( Looks like most of the reasons are emotionally driven than practically driven, oh well. )

The idea of a foldable bicycle is fairly new, before i brought it i had to ask them to demonstrate how to fold it… which is relatively simple in a few steps. I am still taking quite some time to fold it although.

How to Fold a Bicycle Video

This is the contact of the dealer i got it from, be sure to make sure you get it from an authorized dealer! There is a 5 year international warranty which is an added bonus.

SpeedMatrix Pte Ltd ( The dealer at Joo Chiat is really nice and friendly, they guided me on how to get to their place without hassle. They will let you try out all their bicycles and choose which fits you best, no pressure to buy. )

Cycling at East Coast anyone? ^^

Reflection

Every night, I lie on my bed and think
If i used the best of my abilities today
If i fail to do so, i feel disappointed
Even if did try my best, i feel insufficient.

I feel i could do more, achieve more
Aim higher, aim across the skies into the galaxies

Everyday i strive to push myself, sometimes i feel old
because i have pushed my biological barriers of understanding
the abstract shapes and words that forms a known “language”

I try to achieve the impossible, of what known limits
or conventional ways of thought and behaviour

I can do more.
I still feel i achieved nothing.

I am just so tiny,
a tiny person in the universe.

What can i do to change the world?

Happy Happy

I am a happy girl today because Jeri is going to bring me out to eat… Sakura!

I can only think of oysters… sashimi… chawanmushi…

It is going to be a happy day today

Eating makes me happy

Maybe that is why i added some pounds after not doing photoshoots for a while…

I am thinking of buying a foldable bicycle so i can cycle to East Coast (which is relatively near my house)

Any lobang? lol

Constraint

I want to leave this place very badly

At first it was last 2 years, then last year… now.. last semester.

One more year before i transfer on campus to Melbourne…

I feel so dull in writing. There are many projects i am working on.

It just feels so… tiring. exhausting.

There are three main stories i am working on but i lose attention

Drift away, looking for something else.

What i seek is not here. What i have is not what i want.

There is every single thing to be angry and frustrated about

I try to suppress it and be positive… looking for a new tomorrow

But it disappoints me time again and again.

I put on smiles my face, to be greeted with people who wouldn’t care less

Then their next paycheck.

I try to stay away from the unrealistic world of money

Sometimes i wish i was an unethical uncaring bitch who wouldn’t care less

To live in luxury while men suffer below my knees

However, being virtuous means you have to suffer under the clutches of evil.

After all, heroes die first.

The paradoxical world interest me, yet it hinders me

Because i choose to be at the other side.

Of what I believe my morals lie.

The Power of Amethyst

As my readers would know, i been suffering from insomnia for over 2 years. I get frequent nightmares and anxiety during sleep. It is not a great phrase to be going through either. I would wake up in the middle of the night from my sleep (most of my dark poetry is written during this time).

Recently, i got interested in the metaphysical properties of crystals and how the vibrations they produce affect the environment. I did some reading up and i found that Amethyst could help insomnia. My mother is a fond collector of crystals and there was quite a variety of them in my home. I found the Amethyst in the living room and transfered it to my room instead to aid my sleep.

For the past one week or so i been sleeping well! I would sleep regular hours and see sunlight during the day! There were times when i did not see the sun for months. This is an amazing change in my life. My parents were very surprised, they had tried many methods in regards to my sleeping problems as well and it all did not work. The solution was sitting around in my home all along and I did not realize.

I feel a gradual change in my thinking and behaviour. I feel so much more energized and refreshed. Even the way i am writing is different now. I have not updated with my recent works because i have been writing outside.

This is a turning point in my life. I will definitely be more productive from now on. There are so much i want to do but i have not done. And yes, i am trying to pay for my college fees too.

Flight From Convention

I wouldn’t say i am a writer, i am an artist who expresses with words. I have been experimenting with language for the longest period of time. I change in and out of different compartments, like pulling out different drawers each time.

I am shifting to a graphic style of word play. I am sick of the linear lines that bounds the progression of my thoughts. They are not in straight lines. Thoughts are meant to be messy and complex. Time is needed to be taken to understand them, they do have a meaning behind them.

I am taking on a new style and approach in regards to my subject matter. It might not be understood, but it will unveil itself slowly as it grows…