Meatballs And Ikea

I am feeling very happy now because Jeri is going to bring me to Ikea! We are looking at setting up his home office. He is currently a wedding photographer who does really great artistic quality photos. (click link on the side to view his works!) He has quit his day job to pursue his passion full time. So, we are going to redecorate an empty room in his house! Its been really fun setting all these things up for the future because I believe in his gifts and I guess, in life we just have to do things that makes us happy.

I am excited because I feel that lots of things are going to happen for the future. It is a wild roller coaster ride! Especially when you are starting out on your own. I realised the difference between people is direction - with a direction you will go far in life - without a direction you end up working [for others] direction and  in the process, you sell your soul to their goals.

Instead of following others blindly, I think that everyone of us should set our own goals in life, because after all, we are the controllers of our destiny. I have submitted to the fact that I am meant to be a writer and I am working very hard on it - my inspiration comes and goes - I cant seem to complete my projects and there are many half completed books I am writing simultaneously. You might have seen some bits and pieces of the projects I am working in fragments in this blog.

I do want to publish my first book on March 2009, it will be named The Darkest Days, a limited first print edition of 500 copies will be published in Singapore. If things turn out well, I will publish a second edition. I would like to share my works with the literature community in Singapore because they are obviously very stagnated and they follow conventional forms, which is very dry and boring.

I am seeking to compile all the dark poetry I ever written over the past few years into a nicely illustrated book. I do vision myself becoming an author, possibly a full time one. I just love reading and writing, nothing can ever take that away from me. I might be dabbling in some marketing projects as well but they don’t hold my attention for long. The future is filled with so much possibilies that I can’t seem to contain my enthuasm on what tomorrow brings.

For now, I will be dreaming of swedish meatballs and Jeri’s dark brown eyes.

My Dreams

I want to travel with you, across the wonderful landscapes across the world, I will be running ahead of you, smiling and laughing in my sunflower dress as you chase me along in the meadow fields. It would be so wonderful, just the two of us, watching the sunset while lying on the grass, enjoying the gifts of mother earth. I don’t want anything fancy, I just want things to be simple as long we are happy together. I hope for the day that your works will be the marvels of the photography world and the day my works are showcased in publications worldwide. This is the dream I am living for and the dream that i want to create, at the end of this  tiresome journey, we would buy a house by the countryside and start a family.

This is what I see five years down the road.

The Post Colonialist Era in Singapore

I feel that my parents led a classical life during the post colonialist era in Singapore (1960s>). It was a time when the locals were given ownership of the buildings left behind by the colonial masters. There was remarkable buildings that they left - The stone brick remanents of the National Library, the numerous white catherdal churches left by the missionaries, the english schools that was constructed in the city hall area, the cricket clubs at the Padang, Fort Canning… these are just to name a few.

It was during this time when Singapore has achieved independence and the country was building up from scratch. These historical buildings can be still seen in the city area, but nowadays, the younger generation is oblivious to their existence. The government has sought to redevelop Singapore by tearing down the schools they had built and relocating it to the outskirts. The national library, of 200 year history, has been torn down to make way for a tunnel. In the name of economic progress, we had lost our roots of our humble beginnings.

My parents schools used to be at the city area. My mother was from CHIJ St Nicholas, the school is on the grounds of the newly named resturant boutique center of CHIJMES. It has become a romantic hangout for expatriates to enjoy fine dinning under dim lighting. Not so long ago, on the walkways of CHIJMES, my mother was sitting on a white smooth ledge reading a book while leaning on the pillar. Nuns holding rosaries were making their way to the classes as the school bell rang. Students rushed up the spiral stairways to their next classes.

On the other hand, my father was from Victoria School. They wore white uniforms and it was an exclusive all boys school to educate future civil servants to serve the british government as clerks and ministers. They only spoke in english, mother tongue was a second language unlike many predominantly chinese schools of that era. My father was emmersing himself in the classics of William Somerset, he admired the way the British lived. They were brought up with proper manners and social etiquette. My father wanted to follow in the steps of the white man, he admired their way of life and worked very hard through school to pursue his European dreams.

Across the street was a heritage National Library that contained classics shipped in from Europe when the ships stopped at the trading port of Singapore. The idealised way of life that the westernisers led gave the locals an insight of the western culture. Never before that the East was exposed to their ideology and manners as compared to a century ago.

All these are lost now, the modernisation age has took over. Only tales of the past is left. A newly constructed building stands in the place of the old Victorian School, it is now named Capitol Center: The place were i am pursuing my degree in a air conditioned concrete white walled classroom. My father is living his European dream: he has acquired a membership at the Singapore Recreation Club at the padang - it was once exclusive to white members. Our home is decorated with brick walls, wooden furniture and lamp shades - our sofas are made of leather, he had left me a collection of classical works in leather bound books which he had read in the past. I reminise the old days that my parents had lived as I flip the pages of my father’s favourite book - Of Human Bondage by William Somerset as I look out of the window of incoming traffic and high rised buildings that dominate the landscape.

New Journey

I have recently acquired a number of journals. They are used for deep introspection and self awareness, i believe there are undiscovered gifts residing inside us that we do not know about. These are the various journals i have:

A dream journal to record some weird occurances in the other side of the veil.

A A4 sized colouring book which contains some of my observations that i use while at home. Recently I have been using it to draw Luvie (my cat) in various sleeping positions. hehe.

A portable black book with some poems, writings and colouring that I scribble on when i am outside.

A book of shadows (to be acquired), unlike what people think, a book of shadows is not about black magic and evil intentions, it is a book that is used to understand our past, it is a process of understanding our “shadows” which contain all the emotions that we refuse to face. It is like opening a closet which contains items that we dump into over the years. By understanding our shadow, we can love ourselves more.

Most of my dark poetry written over the years are the result of nightmares I see frequently. They come back in various forms to haunt me. Now, I understand they are the result of my fears. By confronting my fears, I become stronger - that is what they serve - to help us grow in character and strength. I am clearing up emotional blockages and releasing them to start afresh in my life. I hope to use my newly acquired wisdom to help others in the dark by releasing them of their fears as well.

My Desire

to be self employed.

I don’t like working for people. My philosophy is built in the way that when you are working for someone, you are working for someone else riches and not your own. It is very likely I would go into self employment and moving on to a business owner. Being young and ambitious, I have lots of brilliant ideas that needs time and effort to be craved out on stone. The great thing is that time is on my side, although my age might put me at a disadvantage i am sure I will be able to conquer it.

I don’t believe in a one career route either. I have diverse areas of interest that have no revelence to each other. Nothing keeps me interested for long, I am always moving to new things after mastering old ones. I detest competition, it brings out evils in a person’s character. I like being on my own, self sufficient and self motivated.

The past few days I have been constructing great ideas in my mind for the future. I have been looking at my own reflection, molding my being into something different from the common herd. Tutoring young children had led to my discovery of the many things I wanted to do as an adult from the eyes of a child. To be able to own a credit card, walk into casinos, drive a car - that were my childhood dreams. I always envied what the “grown ups” could do that kids can’t. I am discovering new things about the world everyday, it makes me feel smaller and smaller as the world becomes bigger and bigger.

I have not been productive at all. I am just spending so much time on research and observation that I could hardly breathe. This stage will be over soon as my plans are set to stone.

“Goodbye” I whispered to my own reflection as it drifted away from my body.

Fuwa!

Jeri got me a Fuwa today! Its fiery red… i think it is a dragon but he says it is a lobster. I wanted it all along but I couldnt get my hands on it till the Beijing Olympic Games are over.

Fuwa!

Recently I got pretty interested in Greek Mythology and Renaissance Art, so i brought two books home. It feels great to own some of the world’s best artists work for like… $35 ? In the form of a book of course, I am just so crazy over it that I have been searching online for their artwork / stories but it still can’t satisfy my hunger for knowledge. It is pretty useful to own them for further research, just that, I don’t study Art History.

I am getting sick of business studies. They are interesting but somehow too repetitive and irrelevant to the ever changing world. Somehow the information used in market research can be quite manipulative to the consumer’s mind. The masters of multinational corporations probably use their internal research data on the human psyche to make the general populace think that they “need” their products when in fact, they do not, like selling ice to Eskimos.

I feel that too much control that a person has is not a good thing, it makes it so easy for “him” to bend wills according to his whims and fancies. The introduction of democracy has led to the division of powers in the governance but the system still has its flaws and loopholes, leaders are able to use the media to censor their mistakes and create a crystal clean image of themselves and discard their enemies. The recent news on the ISA being used by the government on the opposition in Malaysia has proved so the case of the tools the government can use to keep its control over the people by falsely accusing them of “racism” when in fact, they are a threat to the ruling party. Its the same case as the Marxist Corspicacy in Singapore during the 1980s.

For now i will engross myself in the life of Lernado da Vinci.

Happy Happy

It has been pretty enjoyable during the past few days. Willie joined a miniature competition organized by the school and he managed to qualify for the finals (his ambition is to be a singer). Jeri printed a huge human sized poster to show his support, but Willie was extremely embarrassed when he saw that! Its like looking at yourself in the mirror … haha.

Jeri wanted to try my cooking, but being a spolit brat I am, it is pretty obvious i have no knowledge of cooking other than maggi mee. So i told my maid to rest for the day as I whipped out the dishes. Erm, not really, in the end they decided to help me out with the cooking if not they might get a really bad tummy ache LOL.

I have been recently prescribed a pill that aids sleeping through relaxation (yes, crystals don’t work anymore). The pill reduces brain activity and eases muscle tension. It has been working quite well, just that when i wake up in the morning i barely know what I am doing at all. I stumbled out of bed today and went to the kitchen to get a drink when the door bell rang. My student had been waiting outside the door for 15min, i did not know he called my phone and sent me and sms till i checked my phone after the tuition session.

I feel guilty for my morning mistakes! It was not the first time, I told my maid to cook twice and ended up not coming back for dinner because I did not recall telling her to cook at all! Those pills are quite lethal… after i realized that side effects of the pills, I told her not to ask me if she should cook in the morning, if not her effort will be down the drain (she only prepares the food for me).

I brought a book on cats and crystals at pretty good deals. I figured out that it is much more worthwhile to purchase books during clearance sales or deserted places with low rentals. And yes, i recently took up a hobby - colouring. I love colouring! I brought a set of colour pencils and i have been experimenting with them. They are not really marvelous yet but I enjoy it. Maybe one day i will resort to drawing and colouring to express my ideas and not writing, or a combination of both. We will see about that.

O yes, Jeri has a round belly that is scratchable and hugable like a teddy bear! Aww…

Pool of Paradise

She floated in a miniature pool of water, surrounded by rose petals. The tranquil waters healed her soul as her wounds dissolved into the waters. The rose petals smelt sweet as they floated alongside her naked body, her long golden hair remained dry - she was not touching the waters at all - it was as if she was levitating in the air. She opened her blue eyes and looked at the clear light blue skies. She watched the clouds move slowly - is this heaven? She wondered, as she drifted to sleep to another day…

Averal’s Mental Imagery

This is an imaginery journey down a road. Take in the sights, sounds and colours, just like a video camera recording all that lies surrounding you. Survey the scene, noticing whatis far off in the distance, the background surrounds, the weather, the season and a total image of what you view. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Try to visualize it as a picture on a canvas, but with movement, sound, colour and emotion. You are the surveyor on this journey. Draw your journey on paper if you desire, as it often shows clearer results, then attach your drawing via snapshot or scan to your post.

Q1. What colour is the road?
Bright red

I think the road is bright red in colour as i feel that life is full of endless opportunities to look forward to

Q2. What texture is the road?
Made up of bricks

The road texture is made of bricks as they make me feel homely, like i am walking home.

Q3. How solid is the road?
Very solid

The road is very solid as my life has been smooth sailing so far.

You continue walking and come to a river that must be crossed. There before you is the river; the size and depth are up to you. You cannot go around it but must imagine a way to cross it. Whatever you need to cross the river is already within your mind, just imagine seeing yourself do it.

Q4. How do you cross the river?
I try to swim across it

I try to swim across the river as it is deep and the currents are strong. I can be brave at times when it comes to obstacles.

Q5. What does the water look like?
Bluish grey

The water looks dirty as it represents the frustrations i have in my life.

Q6. How fast is the water current?
Raging fast powerful currents

The water current is very powerful as somehow i feel helpless in the face of my frustrations.

Q7. Is there anything in the water? If so, what?
There is stones and pebbles in the water.

There are stones and pebbles in the water as they represent the frustrations in my life.
You have crossed the river and continue walking. You come to a house. Take a good look at the house. Notice the impression it makes on you.

Q8. What colour is the house?
Brownish

The house is brownish in colour as it looks like a house by the country side.

Q9. What condition is the house in?
A little cottage house, well maintained.

The house is well maintained because it has been passed down from generations.

Q10. Does anyone live in the house? If so, who?
My boyfriend.

I see my boyfriend in the house as he is my pillar of support and strength.

We continue forward in our minds journey and come to an open field. A cup is on the ground, and we stop to examine it. The cup can be of any size, shape, colour and description. Focus on it’s look, condition and contents.

Q11. What colour is the cup?
Bright red

The cup is bright red in colour as it represents opportunities.

Q12. What condition is the cup in?
New, very shiny.

This shows that i view life with ever changing opportunities that are new all the time.

Q13. Is there anything in the cup? If so, what?
Half full of water.

The cup collects water when it rains, symbolising that i am working hard now for my future.

You continue walking down the road and come to something blocking your path. It stops you in your tracks and prevents you from going forward. This is an obstacle.

Q14. What is the obstacle, and please describe it in detail?
A big stone boulder blocking the path in front of me.

This obstacle represents my lack of self confidence due to my age, appearance and insignificance.

Q15. What do you see beyond the obstacle?
A winding road.

I see a winding road as life is unpredictable.

Now you have had a break, go back to every question and look at your response. Try and find what you feel that your mind presented the image it did. Explain colours you chose, textures, water, cup, solids, liquids, space, objects, people, anything and everything that you wrote from your projected image, try and find what you feel to why you have that image. Don’t look hard at things, instead try and look for the easy answers, as they are often the correct one’s. Don’t attempt to find something that isn’t present, just look at each aspect for its absolute simplicity.

This is not an absolute, but something you must do in order to try and self analyse yourself. This is important. Please answer what you can, and simply define if you cannot find an emotion to a response you gave.

pass this quiz on and try it to understand yourself better!

Aver Is Very Hardworking

I was having a chat with my friend over the phone yesterday and it suddenly occurred to me that i am very hardworking!

Friend: “What are you doing now?”

Me: “I am studying for a degree, giving tuition part time. I am currently doing a template for a new online shop and marketing my boyfriend’s photography business. I am about to submit a movie script that i had done up and i am writing a couple of stories.”

Friend: “Omg, you are so hardworking! I cannot beat you…”

Actually there is more to just that, but i decided not to scare him too much. I think guys find me intimidating sometimes ( i feel like a monster! ).

Am i a monster?

Ok maybe i just belong to a league of super productive people. I kind of figured out i am at an output level of three times an ordinary human being. Then again when i think about it, the way the corporate world works is the same. If a person can add three times the value of an ordinary worker to the organization he would get three times the pay. So a CEO is working at a value creation level of 25x as compared to an ordinary worker or more! Amazing.

Friend: “I want to catch up with you, and be better then you.”
Me: “You can try…”

Being an ordinary 20 year old freshly out of poly awaiting army, he is currently studying japanese language and working as an admin. He figured out that is quite productive at this stage of his life because he is doing two things at once. Haha, i would like to see if my theory holds true and my salary will be x3 of his in future. Especially with multiple sources of income…