The Epicenter
There is real pain in my creations. Sometimes I ask myself why do I have to do the things that I do, and it is essentially meaningless. But there is something within me that I need to express artistically – to push the limits of what it means to be human. I don’t think I will understand myself not I will understand the universe or comprehend it. But at least in this short time on earth – I had lived my life to the fullest and did most of what I wanted to do without subjecting myself to the limitations of societal expectations.
I got on the Amazon Prime Radical Body Transformation Program for 8 months with the intention to run a Spartan Race. Although I would consider myself pretty athletic, I mainly dance as my main form of exercise and running a Spartan race is entirely different from dancing. I have been assigned a virtual coach, Josh, who oversees my diet and exercise schedule. We do a weekly check in on Saturdays and he changes my workouts and calories intake accordingly.
The first week was extremely tough as I would workout for 45 minutes and be utterly exhausted that I would fall asleep once I hit the bed. So I had to refrain from going home too early so as not to fall asleep at 8pm, if not, I would wake up in the middle of the night be awake too early. I made some adjustments to do meal preps for most of my meals, and got more protein in. Counting protein is extremely hard as it requires a certain level of discipline to hit the protein requirement weekly. I sometime miss it or I overdo it. It’s easy to do it with protein shakes and bars but my coach advised me to try to get natural sources of protein from meats and eggs. It’s rather challenging and it continues to up my game.
I went outlet shopping and got new sports attires specifically designed for running as wearing dance fitness wear is kind of different from workout wear and I don’t want to stand out in the gym too much. I got a fitness tracker, and basically I am all set to train. The second week felt so much better in fact, I feel like running and working out more than the first week. I no longer feel exhausted, which is great.
My last time racing was when I was a teenager, I came in 25th out of over a thousand people from my school’s annual marathon race. Interestingly, I did not train for that race but coming from a competitive dance background helps with endurance as we usually dance for 2 – 4 hours. I have never raced since then. I think I do better in long distance than short distances.
I was considering learning gymnastics and did aerial silk for a while, and there is a problem with being dyslexic – I would probably never be that good in aerial silk due to my inability to tell directions unless it is learnt by constant repetition or muscle memory. For gymnastics, the gateway is to go to the gym first before attempting it. I figured out training for a spartan race does help me become a better dancer as the difference between a semi pro dancer and a pro dancer is the level of fitness, ballet training and fundamental conditioning (daily stretching etc).
I might flop at the race, but at least I tried to train for it. I think it’s all about keeping to a schedule and I am excited to embark on this fitness journey
This music video is a direct cross cultural reference to American society from a modern Japanese point of view.
– In this music video she sleeps with eight different men as a diamond ring flashes in the background.
– It is a cross reference to her personal life whereby she has gone through a divorce with an American, as some of the sentimental lyrics are the words she wants to say to her former lover.
– This is probably the most intimate music video that features her on a bed 80% of the time with different men, which is a statement by itself to the casual nature that people treat relationships. Gone are the days that diamonds are forever.
– The diamond mask and paper fortress are actually symbolic of the superficial levels of American society, that diamonds are actually worthless in value but inflated by advertising. The paper fortress represents paper currency, which in essence is “fake” as intrinsically, America is in debt.
– A wild galloping stallion in the background is the symbol of female empowerment, and it represents Ayumi Hamasaki as herself in the image of a wild stallion. That she is pretty much free to transverse different landscapes and sleep with whoever she wants.
– This music video is in essence about the freedom of the female sexuality, portrayed by a Japanese woman with contemporary American symbols.
– It may be a statement that the freedom of the female sexuality should be limitless across all cultures.
References
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ayumi_Hamasaki#Personal_life
Today, I finally had time to sit and read and watch some videos I like. I think this blog is my remaining solace from my hectic schedule and I derive my peace out of writing my thoughts on virtual screen. This is the only time I get to like – be myself – time.
On the very rare days I get this time to contemplate about the mysteries of the universe, and admire art by my favourite artists, I am somehow feeling stuck yet liberated. I mean, I free completely free to express myself artistically in fictional mediums, but I am stuck in the sense I am unable to express myself in non fictional terms.
The problem is that – fantasy is more appealing than reality. And reality kind of hurts, and it is kind of like what we see everyday on the streets. There is nothing appealing in that, but in fantasy, in fiction, there is no boundaries to our imaginations.
Sometimes I want to tear the dividing veil between reality and fiction and make my work more real. Some days, I pull back completely and decide to hide my truth under fiction. On other days, I just want to dance. I don’t know, I am in a confused mess and writing this piece that doesn’t make any sense on Thanksgiving Day.
It is in my opinion that one can possess tremendous talent, yet lack the capacity to unleash it due to the lack of access of coaches. I think being an artist is a form of athleticism itself, it requires tremendous discipline, and dedication to the task at hand, day in and day out. But, a big part about talent lies in the imagination and visualization process.
It is one thing to repeatedly do drills and perfect a sequence of dance moves or a chorus in a song, but it is another thing to do it exceptionally well beyond what is already existing out there. In this world of content creation and cyber space where we have access to unlimited information, what is lacking is originality.
Most of the content we read or are exposed to are mostly duplicates of previous successful formulas and there is nothing original about it, except for the reinterpretation, re-adaptation of a novel or a screenplay. When I wrote the erotic short story on Butterfly, it was my modern interpretation of Venus in Fur in Roman Polanski’s movie, based on the play adaption version by David Ives of the original book Venus in Fur by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (yes this is totally inception on so many levels).
I believe by exposing myself to as much art forms as possible, I could create new content, and continue to expand the human imagination and shared consciousness through my creations on cyberspace. I mean, at the end of the day, I can bring nothing to my grave. But at least, in my lifetime, I did create and shared my creations with the world.
This is my immortal legacy, and who I am.