Low. and low. the gnawing feeling in my chest, hunger, yet, full. the milky taste of dark chocolates, melting, into my tongue, imagining the kiss of lovers, when i look at lovers, imagining, I am in the heels of the girl, receiving his touch. imagining, my happiness, imagining my loss. feeling my sadness, that, that girl is not me. appalled, yet, contradicted with contentment, knowing you are happy.
Moving towards you like gravity, yet pulling apart before the waves hit the beach. Screaming in pain, beyond all redemption, beyond all hope. The disappointment, the disappointment of a dreamer, a dreamer who believes in transcendent love. A believer who has lost hope. The critique that glorifies suffering. A passion that is burning dry, without air, there will be no fuel for the flames of desire. There is nothing left, except a sinkhole, that one can ever crawl out, the more you struggle, the deeper you are sucked in, like a trap, that has no escape. deeper and deeper, into the rabbit hole….
at breaking point. at the lowest point ever, and the extreme pain that eats from inside, intensified with the most severe of disappointments. Its only forward now, we can only try to change our circumstance can’t we? Why cry, when the trees can’t hear you crying. Why weep, when there are worse crap out there. Why have hope, when there is only hopelessness left?
why bother, when no one else bothers. why fly, when no one can fly with you, or even, watch you fly while they are below? why even try, when it does not make a difference, big or small, it is still the same, we are just … human. our achievements are not forever, its only temporal. why laugh, when no one sees you laughing, why be sad, when you can be happy. maybe, our emotions are lying to us, that it is all an illusion, a temporary illusion, that will go away, with time. all that we had fought for, will be erased, with time, our lineage, and heritage, to be replaced with the new and modern, our world is no longer ours, but someone else, we all play our parts, as actors and dancers, but the real puppet master, is the one behind the veil.
why try when trying is futile.
Ayumi Hamasaki – BALLAD
(translated lyrics)
I woke up in the middle of a dream
My eyelashes were wet
The words I remembered are
“I beg you, please don’t go”
This growing feeling for you
Never changes
My respect and adoration
Are always unshakable
* The red sky at sunset today
was tender like you
I shouted that it wasn’t a dream this time
“Please don’t go”
The memories don’t disappear
But neither increase
The words I’m allowed to say are
“I beg you, please stay with me”
Maybe, I can no longer hold on
Just by pretending to be strong
My love can’t be removed
Just by being held down
** The moonlight tonight
Is the guide you gave to me
Your back is too far and I can no more see it
“Please stay with me”
* (repeat)
** (repeat)
“I beg you, please, just for now”
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AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
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