Today represents a breaking point for me, mentally. I am asking myself how far I will go for love, but it seems, the very answer to this very strange question, is that there are no limits actually. I have tried to imagine almost every scenario I can possibly do for my lover, like working as a stripper, or selling my soul for x amount per hour, or taking care of him if he turns into a vegetable. I don’t know what can be any worse, than the worst possible case scenarios I had imagined and replayed in my mind repeatedly. How far will I go… for someone I barely know.
It is strange, this love that I feel. That I can’t comprehend the very fact why did I give up filming the Scarlet Queen (which is midway in production) to be in this minus ten degrees icy snow city to be with this strange man I met on new year’s eve. I cannot comprehend the magnitude of my decision to miss lunar new year with my family, and just put my career/personal life and familiarities aside to be with him and wait for him at home each day. The very fact is that I have no keys out of the apartment complex as the main door keys are not duplicatable. That makes me a trapped full time domestic cat. I don’t know. But I am indeed trapped in my illusionary world of white knights and fairy tales along with what is happening in real life, that I don’t know what is real or am I living a dream itself in my own self constructed reality in my disillusioned world to protect myself from the truth of what reality is.
I am losing touch with myself, or rather, i am losing grasp of the world, as I diverge deeper and deeper into uncovering the truth beneath all the lies, and the deception that the media has taught us to believe in. Maybe by losing myself in this fantasy, I might regain more of my identity and find myself in this journey into the abyss or the unknown. Or the oasis in the dessert. Or.. the kingdom of light.
As fiction takes its hold on me, I can only share my secrets in between the lines of you and I, as you read my works and try to understand the mystery behind the Scarlet Queen, I can only enlighten you on a facade of my true character, for I am forever hidden. forever, in control. of the outcome and endings… of every story you read in this page.
As you lose yourself completely in my works, I can only ask of you… to try to find yourself in me, as I find myself in you. We are reflections of each other, writer and reader, architect and patron, supply and demand. I am you and you are me. We are one.
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AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
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