Is a word I had came to identify with. There is nothing inside me but endless pain. The pain of not having adequate love. The pain of being neglected. The pain of being abandoned. It’s only pain and nothing else.
The pain sends sensations down my spine and churns my stomach. It grinds my teeth, and my tears flow without control. My feet turns cold as my chest tightens.
I start to sob. But sobbing does not dilute but adds to the pain as the sadness overwhelms the pain as it merges into a forlorn pain. The longing and aching of wanting to be held.
I rock myself, trying to calm down. There is no one to pat me on the back, no one to hold me. I rock the tension away as I feel the tightness of my chest going down all the way to my ankles. I rock both ankles and close my eyes, imagining being inside a rocking boat with a strange lullaby.
I try to calm myself down and tell myself that the pain will disappear soon. I will be happy tomorrow. I will see the sunrise and my friends. I will see another beautiful day out in the cliffs by the sea. The world is magical, I assure myself. Pain is just one of the pleasures in life and I should enjoy this pain.
Maybe pain had made me insane, for its my tool of pleasure now.
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AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
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