There is a loneliness in pursuing a life of an artist. There is a constant internal battle. There are conflicts. There are voices in my head. Everyday I fight within myself to produce my creations. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I hit or miss. It depends.
I think most artists go through this aspect of fighting against the currents to produce art. Some artists fall into addictions like drugs or drinking. Some artists pursue the muse. For me, it’s just hardcore discipline of the mind. I try to still my mind and set a schedule and no matter what, I have to meet my self imposed deadlines.
I treat it as a profession, although I have no boss to report to, I am the director of my life. I operate as such and if my performance falls short of my standards I am not afraid to press the delete button. I have my own internal compass in what I think is passable.
I am an only child and I work best alone. This solitary life of an artist suits my personality. But I do not believe this path is for everyone. In fact, most people would give up halfway in the journey. I had wanted to give up and run away from this calling. Every time I diverged from my path I end up back here. It’s a strange sensation.
I had learnt over time to go with the flow and not fight again the currents. I go where the currents takes me. But I change my floating path if I know I am about to hit the rocks.
I know I am about the hit the rocks recently, and I had decided to change my pathway. I feel much better knowing I had formulated a contingency plan to save my sanity before it becomes disrupted.
My work has been affected over the past few weeks but held myself up and forced myself to meet my deadlines. And by doing that I realized how much battles I had been facing on so much fronts and I have to withdraw from unnecessary battles to refocus on key ones.
I found my hope in the last moments of my despair. I realized that no knights will rescue me. All I have to do is believe in hope again, and my knights will appear from around the world to serve my wishes, along with the countless of thousands of minions out there.
These are my internal revelations as an artist and I believe I am destined for more to come and my journey has only barely started and I am not about to end my true path to becoming who I am, without any external influences on my life. As a result of which I had decided I will go solo on this journey without any reliance on any organization.
I will be the director of my productions and my life. Everyone else reports to me. That’s all it is. And this is what it means to be an artist to me – to be the director of your life.
 |
AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
Learn about secrets to flawless make-up free skin at DR Secret 
