Yesterday, I met a friend by the waterway promenade. We walked through the artificially constructed waterway surrounded by apartments on both sides. It was futuristic yet alienating to be part of that newly constructed environment. We talked like we knew each other for years although we barely knew each other for a week. The affinity we had was even closer to friends I had for more then ten years.
In our one week of online correspondence, I applied all the concepts at the landmark I am actively enacting on my daily life while communicating with him. First, I was very honest and upfront about my life, dreams and my work. That opened up a deeper level of communication that I did not experience with others before. We had similar interests and we had heart to heart conversations about our past, present and future. Then, I realised that this level of affinity I feel when communicating with others is when they know that I am openly kinky.
I wonder if suppressing my kinky nature in the past had lead to me feeling inauthentic as I conformed to being vanilla in the society, and lead to a distance I feel towards others and myself. I had a feeling I was “different” and I have to admit I was socially awkward in most social situations by acting like a goth chick till I effectively covered it up by putting on a friendly deposition.
We parted ways wishing the best for each other. That clearing opened up the possibility that I can learn how to be more authentic in my communication by not suppressing my kinky nature in front of my vanilla friends to deepen my relationship with them.
I used to subconsciously give off kinky advice in my teenage years like, “oh, you should spank him!” “Put a collar on him and make him crawl.” They took it rather humourously and thought I was just a goth chick with japanese fetishes with a twist on how to date and get a boyfriend. I have to admit that I would be approached on the street with strangers asking for my phone number every weekend. In the arcades, they would hit on me as well. I was probably much more free and authentic as a teenager who was trying to find her identity.
That abruptly stopped when I stopped displaying my kinky sides openly as I put on a cold persona that distanced herself from all other beings. Now, I had resumed being quite honest and openly kinky and I find that more old friends from my past teenage years are chatting up with me again. I can’t believe I lost myself for so long to fit into vanilla society.
I wonder how many others out there who feels the same way and are still suppressed. I wonder.
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AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
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