I am currently on ACT 3 of Purple Python, and as always, I am encountering an internal resistance to finish the book. I tend to leave my projects at 90% completion and run away. But I had broke out of that pattern by completing all my short stories by compiling them, as well as publishing two novels. The internal state of resistance sets in when I am about the write the final two scenes. It is not a new occurrence, it is already always there, and I have an urge to run. I spent 40 minutes walking around yesterday but I got stuck. Today, I wrote half a scene and got stuck again. I am now writing this to overcome my anxiety and fear of completing the book.
I wrote the ending of Blue Orca only after revising its second draft, then I finally wrote the ending scene. But I don’t want to do it with this book, I want to write the ending. I want to end the first draft and move on to the second draft. I am sick and tired of my own internal resistance. I know it is gonna end but I am enjoying the roller coaster ride too much to get off. I have to get off and start my other projects. I filmed four audio clips by Risque yesterday and went on a beta live stream for 30 minutes today, but they are just temporary side distractions from the main project which is to finish the goddam novel.
I am on a hyper-productive drive but my body is shutting down, it wants to travel, nap and walk. It doesn’t want to write the ending. My body sensations tell me to leave my project 90% complete. It’s ridiculous how I spent 4 years completing the Red Hourglass from inception. Ridiculous to overcome my comfortableness by travelling to a few cities to complete the book. The second book, I kept to a daily regime and wrote it from start to finish within a stipulated time frame. But for the Purple Python, I am thrown off my schedule and I am back on it, but it is giving me difficulty. In the sense that my writing is elevated and I don’t know how to control the monster I created. It’s defeating me. But I know this are just inauthentic fears trying to rip me, and I should just take control back of the writing and be the author that I am.
Writing a book has been a self-discovery journey, and there is no way I could write without confronting my own demons. I had dealt with them, that it is all complete as of now. Even my nightmares, they had stopped. My flashbacks, they had disappeared. What is left now is the space between my hands and the keyboard. Between my thoughts and words on the page. That I have to write it out and let it go and not keep it within me.
For the story exists within me and all I have to do is express it.
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AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
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