Recently, I have been awoken in my sleep
from pain.
One, is from the recurring pain on my left wrist
an old injury. The pain goes into my bones and it wakes me up
in the middle of the night, especially when it is cold.
Two, is from the emotional pain in my heart
I wake up feeling extremely low and crappy
like seriously, end my misery please
I don’t know why I feel this way
but it might be because my bed is empty
and realising I am alone.
Three, is from the pain from my muscles
I have been overexerting
I tend to go into extremes when I am in my creative over drive
like doing workouts in the middle of the night
stretching
dancing
anything physically exhausting
so I will collapse back into my bed
so that my mind will blank out.
Lastly, is the imagined pain in my mind
To portray a character like Cheryl
I have to imagine her pain
and it does get into me.
Or dancing even, the pain of tango.
Anything that I imagine, act and write
I feel it too.
I am tired. I want to rest, I want to feel at peace
but my heart and mind is in perpetual discord
the unsettling conflicting of emotions is… overwhelming
I wish I could really end it, like, I don’t want to wake up
because it is too fucking painful.
I do love the people around me, and my life
but when I am breaking into pieces
within myself in forging my new identity
I can no longer see myself.
Metaphorically… I am dead… emotionally and physically.
Like a phoenix that turns into ashes, it will rise again
but when, I do not know.
 |
AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
Learn about secrets to flawless make-up free skin at DR Secret 
