Whilst I am running a high fever, a long wait at the doctor led me to a visit to an electronics store. In my minds eye, I pieced the equipment I would like to purchase and what I have existing. I beautified my apartment by placing the equipment for my dream kitchen in my vision.
First, I would have a Samsung fridge with different compartments for different types of food storage with an ice twister. Then, a coffee maker where I can put two spoonfuls of coffee power to be filtered with hot water for a thick delicious roasted coffee. I would purchase a steamer for the size of two people with three different compartments for soups, steamed vegetables and yam. A toaster is essential, but more so is a oven grill to bake my daily salmon.
I imagined these things as I sighed. Not long ago, I lived in a dream apartment with a lover, with swimming pools and sky gyms but we parted ways. Living with him was like playing a daily match of poker, I never knew what he was thinking.
No matter what I did, he seemed not physically interested in me. There were no cuddles or holding hands, no deep conversations nor loving words. At night I would walk around the apartment grounds, wondering what part of me was an abomination. Day by day, I felt more and more like a monster instead of a woman. My confidence hit rock bottom and I left him.
Maybe the reason I started the scarlet queen channel was a result of feeling unwomanly and undesired. Now, fan mails flood my inbox daily but yet, why do I feel like I am still a monster ?
I wonder.
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AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
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