I spend most of my waking moments in solitude. It is the nature of my profession, of the way I wound up being. That I am extremely uncomfortable when people are watching and when there are eyes on me. My identity comes up and I have a compulsion to run away or act up. It’s only when I am performing at something, like on stage, or a dance recital that I am comfortable with the fact people are looking at me. In all my ordinariness I am as shy as hell.
Networking events are my ultimate challenge. I have to talk to total strangers. I have a script in my head but my words come out weird and intangible. Over time I overcame my shyness and became more confident in front of strangers, I go on stage and speak and ask questions in conferences. Afterwards, people would come up to me and acknowledge me for sharing and participating. It is exceptional for me to get out of being shy and just be with people. It’s really not who I am but the way I have to be to uphold myself on what I am up to.
To most people I am never shy, my friends would describe me as a super powerful woman. When I am back in my solitude, I truly perform at my optimal best. But I know in the long run, I have to be able to perform even in uncomfortable situations, or when thousands of people are looking at me fumbling around. I have to learn to be not in control, to regain control over the fact I am not in control. That’s my next frontier of what I will overcome to be able to speak at conferences in front of thousands of people.
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AVERRAL writes under pen name Scarlet Risqué. She stars in Scarlet Queen YouTube with over a million views. She holds a degree in business. The RED HOURGLASS is ranked Top 50 Espionage Thriller on Amazon. She is currently writing the sequels to the Hourglass Series. Grab a free copy of her novel now RED HOURGLASS on Amazon |
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