Stars

To the stars I pray,

We will be in a better place someday.

Imagine

Imagine not being able to feel love but fear

Imagine not being able to feel pleasure but pain.

Imagine… that it will all go away and not come back.

Imagine….

The Silencing

Her screams breaks the silence.

Do you hear my cries from a faraway land?

In a sea of blue, a land of green wide open spaces

The girl in white, standing there, looking at you, with tears in her eyes

Holding out a bloodied rose in her hand, waiting for you to take it away

Her hands, filled with cuts from a shattered glass, tainting her white dress with crimson red dots

Her legs, blood dripping down her thighs, turning the green grass below into a purplish hue

Her lips, dripping bright red blood from her gaping mouth

Her eyes, in a transfixed daze.

She squeezes her chest with her hands and drops the rose on the grass. A fresh puddle of purple forms below her fragile body before she stumbles over in pain, her screams fill up the air once more, screaming of agony, screaming of regrets… screaming of the days you left her standing there… waiting for you.

But you never came.

Flower

A red flower blooms in the sea

Floating in an endless wave of blue.

New Day

Trust me, and the lose threads will turn into solid gold.

The darkness will vanish into shimmering light

Rainbows and purple skies

Yellow rivers and blue seas

The sun rises to a new day.

Haunted

His image and voices in my mind, echoing words unspoken.

The silence breaks, screeching sounds tear my eardrums

Entering into a void of reality that seems surreal.

The New World

The Shimmering Glow Part (3)

I rushed in joy towards the shimmering glow, it was beautiful under the star lit skies. Curiosity drew me closer and closer towards the reflection. I ran as fast as I could… I heard my heart thumping louder and louder as it drained my vision. My focus became weak as my eyes closed and opened reluctantly, I shook my head to remain focused on the sight, but it became a blur and I fell into a long sleep…

I opened my eyes and found myself standing upright in the middle of a crowded room, I was small and tiny as compared to the adults who were towering like giants above me. They were busy chattering away as they drank from crystal glasses. I looked around for my parents and they were no where to be found. The adults were exchanging their credit cards for chips at the counter before proceeding to gamble at the tables. Wow! I thought to myself, I want to be like one of them when I grew up too, as I was so small amongst them, they seemed not to notice me as they walked around the room. Suddenly, they all stood still and all the heads turned towards the direction of the doorway, I looked around, expecting danger. To my surprise, a ravishing beauty in black came through the door. Her facial features were soft and angelic, her skin fair and flawless… she smiled wickedly as she walked passed me, I caught sight of her sleek calves in black high heels as it brushed passed my hair. All the men were watching her intensely as she sat down gently on a chair to open her miniature bag with her delicate fingers to take out some chips to play. Even the dealer was stunned for a few seconds before he composed himself and shuffled the cards for the game. She was perfect – the most perfect woman that I ever seen, her femininity was her source of strength and confidence. Her eyes had no fear in them, unlike all the other women I ever seen. “I want to be like her when I grow up.” I told myself as the mirage of the place disappeared and I found myself looking at the stars with my back to the sand.

Hour Glass Part (2)

I stopped to look at the vastness of the desert. Somehow it feels too quiet, in fact, it was absolutely quiet. I could hear my footsteps and my heart thumping in excitement. I squat down to touch the sand, the grains filtered through my fingers. It reminded me of an hour glass I used to own. I would watch it for hours as the grains fell down on the other side of the glass. I would turn it up and down repeatedly to entertain myself. The grains somehow reminded me of myself, the insignificance I was compared to the millions and millions of others who were like me in this game of life. We are all just tiny grains compared to the galaxy, just fragments of imagination. The grains appear solid but they are in fact, vibrating molecules. Even then, I could see every molecule vibrate with my mind’s eye, glued together by an invisible force.

I was very sensitive to people, sometimes I could “see” what others were thinking. I can predict what they would say next, it only came naturally. I thought that it was natural, so I did not speak most of the time, thinking that others can read minds like I could. Soon, I learnt that this is not an ability everyone had. I could be easily be mistaken for a mute. I liked to look at people when they talk, their behavior was very intriguing. Every person had a different set of pattern and way of holding a cup of coffee, tone of voice or movements. I was curiously drawn to people, not soft toys or barbie dolls like girls of my age. People reading was a much interesting child’s play.

I was very shy in front of strangers as I was afraid of them. I would hide behind my mother’s skirt as they looked at me, trying to grab my cheeks as I dodged their attacks. Before they raised their hands I would somehow know where they would land and move away before they could touch me. As my parents brought me out every once in a while, I developed a habit of shunning people by hiding in dark places. Hiding in clothes hangers was a great way to being undiscovered. During dinner time, I would hide under the table as well. So, there I was having fun with myself in my little corner by staring into blankness.

I got upright and dusted the fallen sand on my skirt before I continued walking. I saw something shimmering in the distance, it was glowing silver in colour, like a mirror reflection of the stars…

Windows (Part 1)

I was five years old. I looked out the metal grilled window, seeing nothing. I turned around back into the room, and saw the walls. The wall that seem to trap me within, suffocating my senses as they drew closer and closer. I looked up at the ceiling for a route of escape, it seems to swirl and move. I continued titling my head up above to look at the white ceiling, as it spinned. It spinned the world into it, as I floated upwards and sucked my body into the hole in the middle, I emerged on the other side as the hole behind me vanished.

Where am I? I asked myself, but it did not seem to matter. It was a new world, a world away from the white cage. Unlike the previous world, it was completely dark with stars glittering in the skies. I walked on the sandy paths as my feet sunk into the sand, barefooted. It felt cold and chilly, I only had a little flower printed dress on me, which I liked particularly as my mother gave it me. It has a huge ribbon at the back, which she was fond of tying it into a perfect knot before we went out of the house. I was always accompanied by my mother but this time, I was alone. Somehow, this was a different feeling from anything else – I enjoyed the immerse freedom that I had suddenly without anyone around. I skipped on the sand as I cheerfully began on a new found journey of discovering the new world that lies beyond the ceiling.

18 Feet

I am 18 feet under

where you can’t hear me

howl and curse and swear

with all my might

I am 18 feet under

With sand piling on my body

buried alive

I am 18 feet under

suffocating and choking

in dust

I am 18 feet under.

Wired In

Wired in, wired out
Industrial metal intertwining
Connectivity, broadcasting
Absorbed into globalising
Leveled surface, light fast traveling
Into the future, and beyond