Dancing till a certain death.
A dance of exhaustion
Till I physically give in the devil
And my mind to ceases to no longer think
For each song and rhythm
I do it all for you
For all the pain and sorrow
I feel it all for you
This painful unrequited love
Is dying and numbing
I dance my days away
waiting for you
In my dreams I see you
When I wake up
You are no longer there
Sometimes living is easier with eyes closed. Because my dreams are happier than reality. In my dreams we are together, and it is beautiful. When I wake up… you are no longer there.
But far away, where I can’t reach you
I tried to find you behind the looking glass where I can be with you once more
But I am in eternal hell
A hellish place where the scarlet queen lives
She conquers kings of kings
and denches fortresses with the blood of the fallen
She might decide to take you
if you don’t save me soon.
I saw a femme fatale in my dreams
Her artistry that of a superstar
Her touch of a deadly widow spider
Her piercing eyes boring deep into my soul
Dissecting every part of my mind
For her own consumption
I saw the reflection of her eyes in mine
As she walked into the path
of an oncoming car
that ended her beauty
In a flaw of tragedy.
I can be all you want me to be
As long you love me for who I am
In my world of hopelessness, there is no longer pain
I feel numb
by medication I feel numb
by coffee I feel numb
by setting unrealistic targets
I feel numb that my poetry is dull and my dance is soulless
What can I hope for when all evidence points at hopelessness?
My version of love is poetic. It is unconditional, giving and kind.
In my unrealistic artistic world of self expression
I am trying to find a rare love that is hard to find
A love that I can freely give, but unable to receive
A love that you can ride on, but I cannot stop running
A love like a fast drive beside the oceans
In my love, there is only transcendence
It is a journey within, like no other
If you can’t take it this far
then… my love is not for you.
My love is hopeless, meaningless and crazy.
obsessive, possessive and recessive
My love can create something beautiful
or just plainly destroy.
My love is poetic, like a painting, like a dance
it is unexplainable, unquantified, illogical and downright sick
You might never understand.
I don’t think you will ever will
. . . .
Sometimes I think if I am hopeless or insane, but I prefer to believe I am a disillusioned artist verging on the lines of insanity, trying to create great works of art before the light of my candle is snuffed out by the forces of nature.
One day, I will see you in that boardroom… right there beside you…
As lovers, as equals as your wildest imagination… I do not know
I am trying to find you in midst the darkness… in the lines of hope I thread daily
Your shadow appears and disappears, filtering in and out of my dreams
You are haunting me endlessly with your addictive smell and sweet seduction
I want to kiss you, but you would only tease me endlessly with your touch
When I try to breathe you in… you walk away before walking back towards me
and pulling me towards you, before letting me go… as I collapse onto the floor
you knelt down beside me, gently whispering softly in my ear,
“If you want me… you can have it… if only you give me your freedom.”
You covered me in your cloak, as you kissed me wildly, bringing me to the top of the world
before you disappear once again.
My fantasy is to bring an unsuspecting lover to Hangzhou, book a room at The Four Seasons Hotel… I will dress in the most revealing cheong sum…. a one in scarlet red with a low cut revealing my thighs. We will make romantic love and poetry under the pavilion, bonsai trees and wooden bridges.
A wild stallion runs in the distance. It can’t be tamed, or controlled… it is willful and fidgety when someone approaches it. It only runs on and on, never stopping, never looking back, only looking forward. It is freedom, the freedom of running across fields of green and the bright skies of no tomorrow, the freedom of living each day in full bliss, the freedom of not having anyone to control its reins. The freedom, that is its happiness.
Once, my uncle told my father and I, that I was a wild stallion. He said never to try to tame me, or I will escape the clutches of control. He said that I crave for freedom, and will go to any lengths to get it. He said, with a mixture of apprehension and excitment in his voice, that… my nature is wild.
He saw through me, beneath the calm exterior I exude, was a wild raging force waiting to be unleashed.
At the fearless state I am experiencing at this point of my life, I have fulfilled his prophecy.
There was once a girl who was lost in the desert
She was lonely and sad
She tried to find her way
The brown sands stretching for miles to the end
There was no one around
She saw a mirage and tried to leap towards it
Realising it was actually… an illusion
As she cried kneeling on the ground
The sun rays burnt into the back of her skin
causing agony and intense pain
A cold breeze blew, carrying the smell of rain
With renewed hope, she walked towards the direction
of the breeze… hoping to find her way out
of the endless mirage of brown and blue
Her body was weakened from the exhaustion
Her eyes were firmly set on the horizon of a line of translucent blue
Her legs gave way, and she fell
bruising her knees on the hardness of the sands
She stood up once again
numb from the physical pain
using just her mental resolve
she… finally reached… the oasis
where she found her peace, at last.
Urahara grinned as he removed his sandals. As he untied the belt on his yukata, he looked at Soi Fong, who was trashing about in the nylon web like a caught angry bee. “Those strings will hurt and grow tighter.” He advised slowly in a low voice. “The more you struggle, the more it will constrict.” As he had forseen, Soi Fong struggled relentlessly against the ropes, expressing her aggressive hostile nature. He waited gleefully as he put his fingers under his chin. “Perfect Timing.” he muttered to himself as the ropes constricted till she bound tightly by the constricting ropes. Her body was now in in a tight cocoon of red webs. “Arghhhhh…!” Soi Fong screamed angrily. “You bastard, how dare you do this to me. Wait till Yoruichi finds out.”
“She knows it first hand. She won’t be surprised.” Urahara took out his hat to reveal his glowing sinister eyes to Soi Fong. “You are the second.”
Soi Fong stopped struggling and looked upwards helplessly at Urahara, “Please… let me go.”
“All these time, I have always wanted to know what you are like as a helpless girl.” Urahara breathed heavily, glancing at bounded Soi Fong. “Especially when you provoke me with your disrespectful attitude.” Urahara lowered the tone of his voice. “I need to put you back in your place.”
“You can have Yoruichi… I know where she is, I can ask her to come back.” Soi Fong pleaded.
“Silence.” Urahara commanded. He took up his sword and pointed it towards Soi Fong, “Obey me, or I will leave you naked in front of the twelfth division, your comrades will have such a great time laughing at naked Captain Soi Fong.”
Soi Fong started to sob in tears. Her resolve was weakening. She had knew that Urahara is a deceptive cunning bastard, but never did she know that he had such perverse thoughts towards her. She wished silently that Yoruichi will appear and save her. There is no way she is going to be humiliated by this pervert. She had to play her cards differently. Obey Urahara? Not in her dear life! After all, the criminal Urahara took her beloved Yoruichi away from her by escaping to the human world. She did all she could to fulfill her loyalty as a protege to Yoruichi by becoming the Captain of the Stealth Corps. The position that Yoruichi had left. At the dire situation that Urahara had her in now, she calculated that she did not have much of a choice. She swallowed her pride.
“I will obey you.” Soi Fong stuttered nervously… “As long you agree to share Yoruichi with me.”
“Deal. Not that I mind a threesome anyway” Urahara hinted, his eyes glowing in delight.
He pointed his sword towards her and chanted, “Hirogaru, Benihime (Spread, Crimson Princess)”. The red nylon ropes unbounded itself and warped into a different formation, a formation that forced Soi Fong hands and legs apart, in a spread eagle position. He titled his sword upwards, and she landed in the formation right on top of the circular table in the middle of the room.
“This is a special skill that my sword has.” Urahara explained. “I never use it in combat. However, I used to use it occasionally on prisoners in the Maggot’s Nest where I used to be a detention warden as 3rd Seat of the Stealth Corps.” Urahara started to laugh uneasily, before reaching for his fan to cover his mouth. “I always wanted to use this skill on defiant little girls like you.”
“Arghh..” Soi Fong tried to struggle once more, feeling intensely embarrassed by the humiliation the pervert was putting her through. “I am lesbian you jerk.” She screamed, “There is no way I am going to submit to jerks like you.”
“Really? Lets see if you are wet.” Urahara walked forward towards Soi Fong and reached for the area between her legs. “Ooo.. I can feel you dripping through your clothes.” He grinned widely. “You haven’t been entered by a man, haven’t you.”
“No!” Soi Fong pleaded exasperatedly, “I belong to Yoruichi!”
“I see.. you are in love with Yoruichi…” Urahara contemplated. “Well, Yoruichi belongs to me. Technically, you belong to me too.”
“No! You bastard, Yoruichi only belongs to me!” Soi Fong struggled wildly.
“Ahh… remember what I told you about the ropes. They will constrict the more you struggle. I would advise you not to move.” Urahara warned quickly. “Well, I agreed to sharing Yoruichi with you, didn’t I?”
“You… you manipulative jerk!” Soi Fong was bounded tightly onto the table by the constricting rope formation, unable to struggle anymore.
“There, there there… I had warned you about Crimson Princess and her ropes.. she is not a nice sword.” Urahara took off his yukata, revealing his muscular lean built body. “It is nice for a change, to have you pleading instead of provoking me.”
Soi Fong teared in anger, “There is no way I am going to plead with you. Let me go!”
“You mistake me Soi Fong.” Urahara turned his back towards her. “I will not let you go if you put up with your disrespectful attitude.” He sighed. “You just to have admit that I am stronger than you are, that is all to is.” He turned back to look at her, “If you can do that, I will let go free from the Crimson Princess.”
Soi Fong kept quiet and thought through what Urahara had said. Obey, and submit? That are the very last things she will do to against her nemesis. She rather die than to put up a fight. Her pride was getting into her, after all, she belonged to the lower nobility, a special nobility class given by Yoruichi’s noble family as a reward for their loyalty. On the other hand, Urahara is from the peasant class, worse yet, a convicted criminal that had to go into hiding in the human world. Why would Yoruichi like such a low class criminal like Urahara? After all the undying loyalty and servitude, shouldn’t she deserve Yoruichi affections?
A cold wind blew into the room. Yoruichi had opened the sliding door. She leaned her body playfully on the half opened door with her arms folded.
(Authors note: I have a weird imagination. This is a scene I always wanted to write as a parody to the relationship between the extreme dislike Soi Fong has for Urahara, and his nonchalant attitude towards her. She regularly provokes him, which is like, omg? Come on, do you know what is sword release is? She just doesn’t know what she is seriously getting herself into.)
. . . .
Fifthy Shades of Bleach – Part 1
“Urahara Kisuke. I have a report for you from Soul Society.” Soi Fong handed the document in a formal manner towards Urahara, with her head bowed low. “It is from Yoruichi.” Her mouth was curled in a S shape, with her eye brows furrowed in angst. She did not move an inch till Urahara took the document from her hands.
“Thank you Soi Fong,” Urahara received the documents hesitantly. “Is there anything I can do for you?” Urahara eyed Soi Fong up and down, noting her hair has grown an inch from the last time they met. His right hand hand was firmly grasped on his concealed sword in his cloak,
“No. I am just performing my duty on behalf of Yoruichi.” Soi Fon replied without a trace of emotion in her voice. “Wasn’t for her, I will kill you right now.”
“Chill…” Urahara waved his empty hand wildly, albeit to cool down the heated atmosphere of the room. “Maybe… you just need to relax a little.” Urahara commented. “You are too uptight, and too rigid.” He paused and walked away from her direction. “There is something about you Soi Fong, that Yoruichi sees in you as her protege. If you are so controlled in real life…. it means… you are definitely wild in the bedroom.” He glanced slightly back at his shoulder, and gave a wink.
Soi Fong stared angrily at Urahara, “You pervert!!! How dare you think of me that way.” She raised her sword with both her hands.
“Too late.” Urahara unsheathed his sword swiftly from under his cloak. “Shibari Benihime (Bondage – Crimson Princess).” Red energy strings appeared from the tip of his sword and binded Soi Fong in a red web of ropes, sending her flat onto the floor.
“Arghhh!” Soi Fong screamed as she struggled against the red nylon ropes that his sword released onto her. She was now trapped in his bondage unable to escape from his binding.
“Unfortunately for you, I have not seen Yoruichi for too long.” Urahara pulled his hat over his eyes to conceal his expression. “You are the next best thing to her, and I will have you for now.” He smiled sinisterly as he pointed his sword towards her.
“You… you… what are you going to do to me!” Soi Fong shrieked from under the entwined ropes, while struggling wildly.
“As I said, I am going to have you.” Urahara replied calmly, removing his green cloak. “Be obedient or Benihime (Crimson Princess) will punish you.”
—–
(PS: Tite Kubo, the creator of Bleach definitely has a perverse mind. If you read the character of Urahara in-between the lines, he is a kinky loving candy shop owner (candy shop??) who calls himself “a mere honest, handsome, perverted businessman”. He is one of the few male characters to have a female sword name (Crimson Princess) that releases Shibari (rope binding) and draws blood. When confronted by Aizen in the final battle scene, he laments that “I am just a small time candy shop owner.” right after Aizen praises him for being the most intelligent person in Soul Society.)
