My wings were torn apart from me
As I was left there, forsaken.
“You can fly without your wings.”
a whisper enchanted my ears.
I closed my eyes and saw
My wings racing through the skies once more.
The flight of joy and excitement
cruising, escaping, racing
against time, against the wind
I never felt so beautiful.
A phoenix rising, a rebirth
of my soul.
I can fly once more.
My lips, taped with a black cross
My hands, tied to my back
My knees, on the rocky pavement
bleeding in vain
My eyes can’t see no more
For the truth is right here in front of me
I am silenced, not to speak the truth
For the fear it creates, the resentment it evokes
The topping of societies, the restructuring of governance
The bearer of justice is blind
The world sees colours and genders
They stereotype, discriminate, and prejudice
Into boxes of fixed perception
In this dominant white male supremacy
The hey days of the old colonial British past
The flags of white, red and blue
capitalism of manipulation.
A curse of the pen
A writer I am.
Under the moon you came in a dream
Into my bedroom balcony, into the arched shaped windows
You carried me gently from my bed in my silky white nightdress
In your arms, as I held your neck tightly
I saw your translucent wings spread apart from behind your back
As you took me away from my room, and flew through the night air
Like a white dove in the skies, towards the moon.
In my dreams I scream your name.
I want you so bad that it hurts inside to see you go. The source of my suffering comes from knowing you, for I see your face in the darkness and disappearing into the shadows, and you are not there anymore.
This dark pit I stand in looking up at you from below, you see me but you deny I am in there as you walk away with this heaviness in your heart.
“No more, no more”, you say to yourself as I watch you disappear into the darkness of the night, into the streets of indigo trees and brownish dark roads. Your hands in your pockets and your head hung low as you walk away from the source of your misery and happiness.
“I miss you”, I say to myself while standing in the cold watching you walk away.
————
That night I laid my heavy head on your shoulder, I felt a sense of heaven bliss, that comfort, that familiarity, the thrill of sleeping with a stranger. I felt so wonderful with you around, no one would ever be able to replace that presence that you left behind.
————–
In my dreams I screamed your name, you turned back to look at me as you walk down that lonely black road alone. I screamed your name again and ran towards your cold body and hugged you tight. You hugged me tightly in return. Your aching heart bearing it no longer. “I am here.” I assured you. “I love you.” you said with tears in your voice.
————–
Disappear, walk away never
No, come back to me
We will be together forever
She is not breathing, can’t you see?
————–
Men lie about their feelings 99% of the time.
In my dreams I was drifting in and out of consciousness
I tried to open my eyes but all was blank
All was quiet, too quiet.
I struggled to open my eyes once more
The images turned into a multi colour surrealistic world
Silver rivers and golden grass, pink horses and rainbow colours
Fairies, devas, angels and guardians
They were all surrounding me
and I never felt so beautiful
In my cotton white garment, I asked why I am here
And why is my hair long and gold?
They told me, you have came back to heavens
and we are waiting for you to join us back here all along
I never felt so happy to feel accepted once more
I smiled like an angel and held their hands
While they smiled back merrily back at me
Telling me they are here to take me back
For my mission is not complete.
I tried to open my eyes once more
And I saw my room fill up my view
White walls, wooden frames, a plastic table
I tried to move my hands but I could not
For hours I stared at the ceiling
Wondering if I could ever move my body again
For I was motionless and still
And wishing I was in paradise once more
Wondering what if I don’t wake up one day
Will I be missed by others?
Wondering if there was anyone who loved me at all
For I always felt alone in this world
One against the world, that is how I feel.
Using every inch of will power I had, I feebly moved my hands
and dialed the emergency number with my shivering fingers
Save me… I still want to live
4 pills down and a bottle of wine,
counting down the hours into the sleepless nights,
wishing I would never wake up from my blissful sleep,
the shadows of my past haunts me when I close my eyes.
Walking in the rain home, waiting for the traffic lights to turn green
With my hands in my coat, and a girl behind me with a red umbrella
She turns another direction and I walk down the hills alone
Down and down the hills as my feet sank into the muddy soil
Rain drops falling through my hair to my face
A thousand silent tears dripping down my cheeks
I wiped my eyes and I realised they were dry
And these tears that fell from heaven clouds
Were crying for me.
Rain, tell me, why did you rain today?
Did you feel my broken heart calling out his name
That you were so touched that you decide to cry in my name
So that you can spare me from the pain?
Did you send the winds to greet me
To surround me with your love and company
So I won’t feel lonely walking home alone?
I reached the garden and stopped at the wooden door
A golden labrador looks at me with sad forlorn eyes
I took out my golden key and opened the lock
It watched me go into the safety of my home
While it stood outside in the rain.
My legs are heavy
My lungs are exhausted
My eyes dried up of tears
My hands, stiff as ice.
I don’t want to walk down this
lonely road no more
In my darkest despair I cried your name
In my dreams, as a tear drips down my
closed eyes
I try to touch you on the
other side of the looking glass
your face still fresh from
the memories of yesterday
You are so near
yet a world apart
In my darkest despair I cried your name
As I fell to my knees onto the snow
I felt the cold overtaking my body
filling it with tranquilly and peace
A place I can finally rest, and not be found.
Hello super model
walking down the isle
hurting your spine
with that high heels
of yours
You pretty looking thing
with that thick make up
that cracks when
you smile
Your too-perfect greetings
with that fake smile
and ugly thoughts
running through your head
You disgust me
You superficial freak show
An abnormality
that popped out
of a freakion magazine
When will you ever be real?
I held my breath and sunk my head down into the ocean, swimming in the endless crystal blue waters, my feet touched the soft sands gently as I paddled along the coral reefs and vibrantly coloured fishes. Slowly, I felt weak in my lungs and I struggled to find the surface of the waters to breathe. There was no way out of the deep blue sea. I panicked and swam towards the top and felt a stone wall covering the surface of the waters. I was trapped. My lungs gave way as I sunk deeper and deeper back into the ocean depths, my fragile body laid on the sandy ocean floor and I felt the last remaining senses on the tips of my fingers before it all turned blank.
