by | | Marketing, On-Writing
I started a few successful businesses while I was pursuing my business studies in school. I became a distributor of products at 18 years old when I could legally sign my first contract. I gave tuition on the side. Before I was 18, I was using my mum’s credit card to start an ebay account to buy and sell products. When I was 12, I had a virtual online shop on neopets were I sold potions for virtual currency and made a killing with my best friend. There are many different instances where I put my creativity and resourcefulness into play. I think there is no running away from this calling once you are connected to your higher purpose – mind – heart and soul.
The reason why I choose self publishing because I want to experiment with my creativity and have the freedom to do whatever I want without anyone else telling me what to do. Maybe I am controlling in that sense, but I have a strong work ethnic and I spend hours of research before I take any action to write a single line or film a video. It makes me feel good to see that people appreciate my products and services which are my unique offerings to the world. I was reading this diagram on self publishing and boy, it really resonated with me and inspired me to write this post on why I feel so strongly about my self publishing independent journey.
There are a few factors that lead to my current line of thought, one key reason why I chose this lonely difficult path is because I do not want any casualty. What do I mean by that? If I start any other business, and that business fails, I have to lay off staff. I dislike firing people, but when there are no more clients or the economy goes down, staff have to be laid off. But with writing, the only person I have to depend on is myself. I have to produce my targets on time, and I am the only casualty in this. This makes me feel more content at least I can control the outcome (by deciding to write more or rest).
How I work – I have a Google Calendar where I put my milestones for the day and checklists. I have a five year business plan for my writing which I enact on, and readjust my strategies. I reevaluate my actions yesterday, and re-correct my actions for today. If the past month actions produce no results, I will switch my direction and mode of operation by formulating a different strategy. I have to admit I fail most of the time (9/10 times). Only about less than 5% my plans produce results. Some days I feel like a total failure and defeated for this reason. I had regroup my friendship net and built up my core group of support network over time so that I won’t be thrown off the grid if the going gets too tough. As a entrepreneur sometimes you got to be ready to lose everything you have overnight, so you can operate without the fear of having everything taken away from you.
It’s like poker. You can’t win if you show your tells. You can’t win if you show your fear. You have to zen out and think rationally about each decision. Will you be able to make your opponent fold knowing you have the weaker hand? Will you be able to bluff? Will you be able to make him bet knowing you have the stronger hand? These are very mental decisions. These are the thought processes that goes on everyday for an entrepreneur. That’s why business people love poker and likewise. It’s not a game, but it’s a mental state. The game is not your opponent but yourself. You can never beat your opponent if you are not in the center of your own internal universe. That’s the greatest mistake people make – they think they can lie, bluff and be deceit about their actions. But no, your opponent will sense your fears and triple bet you and take away all your chips. Such is essence of mental game.
by | | On-Writing
There is a loneliness in pursuing a life of an artist. There is a constant internal battle. There are conflicts. There are voices in my head. Everyday I fight within myself to produce my creations. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I hit or miss. It depends.
I think most artists go through this aspect of fighting against the currents to produce art. Some artists fall into addictions like drugs or drinking. Some artists pursue the muse. For me, it’s just hardcore discipline of the mind. I try to still my mind and set a schedule and no matter what, I have to meet my self imposed deadlines.
I treat it as a profession, although I have no boss to report to, I am the director of my life. I operate as such and if my performance falls short of my standards I am not afraid to press the delete button. I have my own internal compass in what I think is passable.
I am an only child and I work best alone. This solitary life of an artist suits my personality. But I do not believe this path is for everyone. In fact, most people would give up halfway in the journey. I had wanted to give up and run away from this calling. Every time I diverged from my path I end up back here. It’s a strange sensation.
I had learnt over time to go with the flow and not fight again the currents. I go where the currents takes me. But I change my floating path if I know I am about to hit the rocks.
I know I am about the hit the rocks recently, and I had decided to change my pathway. I feel much better knowing I had formulated a contingency plan to save my sanity before it becomes disrupted.
My work has been affected over the past few weeks but held myself up and forced myself to meet my deadlines. And by doing that I realized how much battles I had been facing on so much fronts and I have to withdraw from unnecessary battles to refocus on key ones.
I found my hope in the last moments of my despair. I realized that no knights will rescue me. All I have to do is believe in hope again, and my knights will appear from around the world to serve my wishes, along with the countless of thousands of minions out there.
These are my internal revelations as an artist and I believe I am destined for more to come and my journey has only barely started and I am not about to end my true path to becoming who I am, without any external influences on my life. As a result of which I had decided I will go solo on this journey without any reliance on any organization.
I will be the director of my productions and my life. Everyone else reports to me. That’s all it is. And this is what it means to be an artist to me – to be the director of your life.
by | | On-Writing
As of this year April, I decided to pursue my artistry on a full time basis. There are doubts and fears, I was afraid. I was letting go of the old life I had before. But there was always something lacking in my life that I was running from. And I knew I wasn’t cut out for one fixed role. As I don’t feel comfortable working in just one medium for prolonged periods of time, I had to diversify my art forms. I decided to do these three things: write, act and dance.
As what Steven Pressfield said, you can divide your life into two once you turn pro – life before turning pro, and life after turning pro. I truly agree. Before I turned professional in my artistry, I was living a shadow life. A life of a shadow drama. I was running away from my true calling, from my drive to create. I was focused on the numbers, climbing the career ladder, doing businesses that brought me materialistic objects but no comfort to my soul. If you ask me, I regret running from my artistry for so long. I was hiding from it. I was denying it. I was trying to be a part time pro. But there is no such thing. It is a decision – to be professional or not to be professional. There is no in-between.
In my quest to turn pro, I sought for mentors. I read thecreativepenn.com and followed her books like a religion. I revised Robert Greene books. I read everything I could to ready myself for the climb ahead. I am in it for the long haul. I gave myself a time line of five years to make it or break it. If I do not make it by the end of five years, I will go back to my career, save up, and try again.
After equipping myself sufficiently with knowledge and putting security back up plans measures in place, I started my life of turning pro:
Firstly, I decided to get my full fledge website http://thescarletqueen.com up and running. I had for years, imagined about this website which was not in existence. With the will of my imagination, I brought it forth to the world. That website will contain my finished artistry. This blog will be the documentation of the process (behind the scenes). I needed to maintain this blog at averral.com to still my mind and detach from my creations.
Secondly, I started my patreon account. Patreon allows fans to become patrons of the artist. For it to work, monthly rewards have to be given out. I decided to do more for the rewards, I will record an addition of: a video, an audio and release my draft writings for my fans to see before their publication. So far, it’s working out well. I am glad that now technology allows artists to connect with fans instantly.
Thirdly, I sent myself for counseling, dancing and acting classes. Most professional actors consult a counselor to bring out their best performances. I signed up for three dance performance teams. When my character Risque started to control my life, as I was unable to snap out of character; I consulted an acting coach. He said my character outgrew my personality. I have to develop my own personality and balance out my character Risque. What is unique to your own personality that Risque doesn’t have? He asked. After a week or so, I succeeded in finding the differentiation factor between myself and Risque, and it’s truly humorous. All I have to do after filming Risque or Cheryl right now is to watch comedy. I just had to laugh and be happy to cheer myself up. My default mood is cheerful. That’s how I get back to my own personality after an intense performance.
Fourthly, I found an editor and writing buddy. We work and send each other our drafts and communicate via email almost daily. It’s like going to work, instead of emailing clients or colleagues, I am communicating with my editor and buddy on my work in progress and my mental state. Mental state is crucial in writing the best pieces. I entered myself for the national poetry and short story competition (which I both lost). I was never good at winning competitions anyway.
I resumed rewriting the Red Hourglass, which I had been writing on and off over four years. But this time, I was determined to complete it for year end publication. I set the publication date as 30th October. With a deadline, there is no excuse. As writing a novel day to night for about ten hours a day can be extremely boring, I started writing something else fun on the side – Butterfly, which has a more erotic twist to it. It’s my entertainment. I find it easy to write that, compared to the large task of writing a novel. I would write Butterfly during my breaks. I decided to turn it into a little novella as I see potential in this work.
Lastly, I set a schedule of what I have to produce by the end of every month. My current schedule goes like this:
1. Four YouTube videos a month
2. One Private Patreon video
3. One Private Patreon Risque audio
4. Releasing of Butterfly drafts for Patreon
5. Writing/editing Red Hourglass about 2 – 8 hours a day, 5 days a week
6. Dance classes about three times a week
7. Counselor / Acting Coach when needed
I spend my remaining time replying to fan mails, watching videos of dance performances, and thinking what to film, write or create for my future books/videos.
…
Since turning pro, I wake up before my alarm. My life is restored of it’s meaning. I no longer procrastinate or fear of becoming who I really am. I learnt over time to accept I have kinky desires that are unmet. I am not afraid to speak up and act upon my convictions. I stand by my artistic creations and take responsibility for them. I no longer care about what the people around me think about my creations, they are a separate entity from me. I am who I am, my creations are just creations. I wake up daily, thinking about the truth love and beauty I am restoring to this world, and that I am a vessel who has dedicated her life to the pursuit of art.
My life after turning pro is beautiful, it’s sublime.
The sacrifice ?
I know my old life has to go. I let go of my business and my staff. I reduced my expenditure and leisure time. I put more time into my work compared to before. I no longer seek for distractions like playing games or facebooking. Old people in my life disappeared as new ones appeared. New friends and fans who help me to achieve my artistic goals.
If given the choice, I would have turned pro earlier.
I highly recommend Steven Pressfield book, Turning Pro.
by | | On-Writing
“I am merely a fragment of your imagination gone wild.”
Reading this lecture, I realise that the construction of sentence is very similar to the construction of dance steps. As an active west coast swing dancer, the basis of our dance is technicality + musicality = style. It is similar to writing, we need technical basics in sentence structure, choice of words and diction to pull off the musicality and rhythm of our sentences, to create a unique voice (style) of our own.
For each word we choose to put into a sentence, it has to feel right and yet make sense to the reader to create a visual image. Of course, as compared to the past writings our culture emphasis more on simple constructed sentences than flamboyant ones with vocabulary that we are unaware of. The business world has converged into the writing world, where concise and precise words/sentences are valued over flashy lengthy ones.
Reading contemporary novels, I noticed that the shift towards simple short sentences with clear cut messages with some poetic message every now and then. The older novels are definitely more flashy in terms of their sensory and visual imagery.
As literature is not only accessible to the elites as compared to the past, the mainstream appeal of novels are those that are simple to read and the ability to grab a reader’s attention immediately he reads the opening.
Glancing through James Patterson books, his short chapters and fragmented sentences create intense action packed thrillers which is ruling the shelves of most book stores, after all he is the king of thrillers, and also, the richest author in the world.
Hence, I conclude that simplicity is king in our current age of writing.
by | | On-Writing
The elusive question.. what plagues me about plot? Personally, I don’t think plot plagues my writings at all. Maybe because I have been writing poetry forever. If I don’t have a plot or conflict, or some inner desire for my character in question, I would not write about it.
When I set about designing my characters, I always link them with a conflict, some inner desire to prove themselves or just be awesome or badass (in their heads) and in reality, they are just insignificant humans, like animals. That kind of gives me a drive to develop them further, to make them even more conflicted with their ideals and what reality throws at them, which is the harsh big fat ugly world out there destroying all their fantasy dreams. *laughs like an evil witch*
Usually when I do not sense a tension in a story, I would not finish reading a novel. I am a very pragmatic reader, the story either connects with my psyche, or I dump it. In that sense I am more drawn to thrillers and erotica. Fifty shades in my opinion, has a huge vast gulf of mainstream standards from Anne Rice writings.. and it erks me.
Of course, it is hard to merge literary writings into the mainstream, and like wise. Its like telling the mainstream peasants to eat cake, when they cannot understand the delicate taste of icing and cream on delicious soft creamy cakes. It is like telling the aristocrats to eat bread, when they are used to eating cakes the moment the are born to their social class.
What is lacking in most novels and stories nowadays is the inner desire/drive the internal (i). I feel that it should be the core of the story, the essence of what makes it readable… so we can learn something from it. I did not learn any thing from Fifty shades except that Anna Steele is a weak submissive brainless woman.. (her inner desire to submit to some random dude she just met without even reading the contract) and it is penerating mainstream for women to behave like that… looking for Mr Rich Handsome Dominant Christian Grey. Gosh.
Plot is the essence. Characters are the oil on top of the essence. Only with a strong plot of essence, characters can come shimmering alive on top like boiling oil on a stove top.
Mum, feed me some essence now!
by | | On-Writing
Writing is seduction, quessentially. It is the art of seduction of drawing the reader into the universe of the master architect, who is the writer at play. I love openings that tease and promise something, but yet, you have to unfold the pages to discover the thrill of the chase. The masterful art of drawing you in, deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole…. Will you fall like Alice? Or will you discover some secret aspect of yourself after reading the novel? The subtleties of the craft is hard to master or comprehend, but delightful to… victimize the unaware reader into your universe and consume him/her into your bidding as you twist and turn their brains into bits and pieces till they lose themselves completely in you – and your story. That is… what I feel writers should aspire.
The examples listed above are indeed seductive to the senses, no matter how mundane a boiling pot or tea, or death at a pot roast can be, we have to create a parallel universe that draws the reader into an alternate reality or dimension. That is, the masterful art of imagination, and creation.. That we have to possess in our design. The design of new worlds and characters, new conflicts and plots.. To diverge from the norms, to reveal the truth in the lies, in the lies of the truth. Who knows what is real and what is not real…? The lines are blurry in the world of fiction and reality.
by | | On-Writing
anger. hate. happiness. contentment. life. take. receive. ask. gone. wind. fly. soar.
love. pain. loss. suffering. hope. faith. destiny. stars. crossed. redemption.
butterfly. wings. birds. freedom. liberty. hope. fall. grace. walkways. glory.
taste. blood. dripping. pleasure. tantalise. care. nurture. weird. sick. unique. taken.
far. away. land. honey. sweet. bitter. sour. angels. sing. harmony. pen. knife. pink. black. ink.
blades. daggers. swords. weapons. war. fight. conflict. win. lose. battle. evolve. change. better. worse.
flowers. fields. sunflowers. futuristic. silver. steel. metal. paper. books. paperback. hardcovers. meet.
friendship. family. touch. feel. real. hung. balance. unconditional. thick. thin. hot. cold. blow.
erotic. obsessive. vulnerable. naked. hunter. instincts. prey. predator. cry. screams. fear.
blessed. cursed. conjoined. oneness. togetherness. closeness. siblings. kinship. companionship
scarlet. crimson. roses. wither. decay. aliveness. bipolar. intelligence. wits. genetics. biological.
by | | On-Writing
Swinging in and out of happiness and sadness
The intense mood shifts of bliss and the downs
Frustration and anxiety
Elation and the lows
Wavering faith, losing and gaining faith
With open eyes to perception
With a heart so true, that it faces the harshest of realities
Then it drops too low, it all falls into an abyss of agony
When it goes too high, it all rises, to the clouds of angels
This is the what the artist goes through daily
in pursuit of our artistry.
In pursuit of the truth.
by | | On-Writing
Working is emotionally numbing
Just logic and reason, and a step by step formula
there are always answers to questions
Artistry is emotionally driven
With creative urges and drives
trying to battle it out, to take control
there are no answers, only more questions
An artist, tries, to answer what cannot be answered with logic.
It is a lifelong… battle to bring it out. wholeheartedly.
The tensed emotions, grawing my heart out. for all to see
stripping it naked, beating, outwards
like a prize, a trophy to worship.
by | | On-Writing
This writing lecture is extremely interesting with feedback from other famous writers on how they go about their writing process on a daily basis, waking up at 4am, isolating themselves on top of a hill or drinking and smoking away, it all works fine.
This reminds me a little of myself. I started working on my first draft at the beginning of this month, and I find it extremely hard to sit down and write 1500 words daily. I get distracted, and end up writing poetry, or short stories, I can even write a travel editorial or two, and when I open the first draft document, I am blank in the mind again, unable to write anything for the novel. Maybe sputtering 100 – 200 words before becoming stuck again.
At this stage, I will be extremely frustrated (because I want to keep to my word count goal). I will throw my books around the room, vent, listen to emo music, cry, dance (that is how I lost weight while writing, dancing away when the emotions hit too hard). Sleep. Wake up, go back to the blank screen. Repeat.
Writing a novel is probably one of the toughest marathon a serious writer can undertake. I have tried many times, and I always end up hating the product midway, or my plot gets tangled up, or I simply lose focus and it just hangs there. My self doubts and insecurities (the inner critique) tells me I am not good enough, my language is too simple etc, and it is crap. When the inner critique wins, my artistic side is killed.
Finally, after two years of not writing, I have decided to win my inner critique, and write a novel to the impact of really crazy and artistic. I am on the verge of being obsessive compulsive, with a borderline personality disorder, and bipolar. It is all cool, I still have a grasp of reality thanks to my close friends and family support.
To keep my sanity, I have stopped forcing myself to produce 1500 words consistently on a daily basis because that method does not work for me. As my writings are highly emotionally driven, I have to write when I have the emotions to drive the story. Hence, my new resolution is to write only when I feel like writing. After accepting my vulnerabilities and inner demons, I have learnt to let go and stop thinking of the outcome (if people will like what I write), and just fcking write 🙂
