I want to hide in a place
Where no one will find me
Where I am scream shout and curse
Where no one will hear me.
There is this tension building inside me
Waiting to break out of this body
There is this evil being inside me
Waiting to control my senses
I don’t want to break down
But I fear it will come some day
And I won’t remember who I am
On the other side of the mask
Help me.
Why am I alive? I don’t know, I ask myself that daily, I should have been dead, but I am unscarred, untouched.
Because I am alive, I am able to fulfill my mission here before I move on. I believe in that.
And that is what keeps me living.
But it does not stop my ugly thoughts from spinning contortions of reality.
That is why I started an Ugly Works section for these thoughts.
I can be ugly too.
Let me sleep, dream of beautiful lands and flowers.
lovely places, endless seas, washing over me… bringing me to another place.
of fairies and kind angels, of elementals and devas…
Abundance of love and kindness, sharing the harvest with all…
In this dream I am in heaven and playing with my brother.
“DON’T WAKE ME UP” I screamed when the lights go on.
Into this nightmare I come, evil breeds resentment and greed
selfish discourteous self serving creatures abound the steel infested buildings
smokey roads and rushing trains and screeching tires and smashing keys
piercing nails and haunting screams of used & abused kind hearted souls
thrown into boxes left to die without a care or shit in this hellish place
“I want to be back where I came from, and I don’t want to return to this nightmare” I said to myself.
I looked into the mirror and sliced my throat with a knife.
I see my life dripping away, as I grew weaker and weaker… and the familiar darkness sets in
I am in bliss once more.
I feel like screaming till the world fades away
Falling in an endless dark pit
Till i reach the bottom of the darkness
Where there is nothing, void.
In this void I feel there is nothing there to be afraid
There is nothing to think about
Or nothing to fear
In this void I sink further into a deeper depression
Not wanting to wake up into this horrid world
Not wanting to ever face this ugly human race
I swear and curse in the bottom of the pit
Where no one can hear me
I bury my head in my hands
This pathetic soul, this pathetic human
So weak, so vulnerable
So undeserving of love.
Fuck this place, I screamed
As i tore my mask and threw it onto the floor
I stomp on it repetitively, till it breaks into two.
I pick up that mask and wear it on my face
Now, there is two of me –
One horrid one beautiful
One kind, one cruel
One giving, one selfish
One hatred, one loving
My duality is complete.
