Memories


Our memories will form a photobook over time, a story that never ends…

Phoenix Rising


Credits: Picture by moonmomma.

The dark phoenix rises
Amidst the chaos
She dies in flames
Only to be reborn
To conquer the skies once more
~ Averal L

You can never see yourself

No matter how much I try, I cannot see myself as much as I can observe others. I can discover some hidden talents in others, and their inner mysteries, and many more things about them. For myself, I can’t seem to do the same, I am like an observer on a vantage point of view, looking below. I can’t seem to look at myself.

In turn others can look at me, and tell me what is wrong with myself. That is when I discovered my own talents which I was absolutely not aware of. I truly appreciate their feedback and comments. Somethings just comes naturally to me, so I will not be aware of the gifts I have till someone else identifies it. It goes the same with others as well.

It makes me think again, do we do the things we do to please others or to please ourselves? Or both ways? For many of the things I consciously do, I do it to please myself first, before pleasing others. I used to like to please others by doing things they want me to do, but I realised that is not what I want to do. Thats when I stopped, and took a step back, and started to do things I want.

It is strange that we live in a world that we are so concerned with judgments on us, on the things we do and the way we look. I feel that people pass judgments too easily nowadays from the smallest of things. They tend to magnify the smallest things into the biggest things to gain publicity, and it irks me to think that the media industry is profiteering heavily from sensational news about other people’s personal lives. And that even people are buying those news, that people want to see others in misfortune. Its pretty sad isn’t it? I have stopped reading the news ages ago, now focusing on more lifestyle and self improvement orientated publications. I find more constructiveness in that, rather than to read the plight of other poor souls.

I will be printing a name card for my blog/website soon. It is called a writer’s card? Someone asked what do I do, and I told him that I am a writer, and he asked for my writer’s card, and I didn’t have one. I was slightly embrassed, bu I made it a point to print a copy. It will be so awesome.

The Victorian Romance

right

This story is dedicated to my secret lover.

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I am there, waiting for you on top of the white marble stairs, wearing a beige and white Victorian evening gown with a low neckline, accentuating my cleavage and with a pearl choker on my neck. The dress fabric clinging on tightly on my skin, lace covered blouse and lavish silk trailed from my skirt all the way to the floor.

I held a white silk satin fan and covered my lips as you walked up the stairs, your eyes taking in all the beauty set before you, white circular columns surround us in front of the grand entrance to the hallway. You took off your top hat and bowed before me, and offered your right arm. I slid my left arm into yours, a sense of security swept over me and we entered the hallway.

A wide white stairs greeted us, and we proceeded up the stairs, arm in arm. I looked around the white house and gold framed paintings covered the walls with portraits and still life. You walked into the cloak room and took off your hat and removed your evening cloak, untying the string in the middle. I watched you quietly outside the room, you took out your cloak and hung it on the nob. Your manliness showed clearly in every movement. You came out of the cloak room and offered your arm once more, I held it and wondered if I am the luckiest girl in this world. I looked at your side profile and saw a man of assurance, of confidence and ready to take on the world stage.

We walked on the carpeted floor towards the grand ballroom where all the rest of the guests are. They turned their heads to look at us as we entered the room. You proudly held my arm and started to entertain the guests with your formal voice. One by one, they came up to us remarked how perfectly matched we are, and how beautiful I looked. I smiled demurely as they turned to look at me. I wanted to hide very much from the embrassment from their comments, but you held me close. You switched the topic to business, and continued talking confidently. I slipped away from your arm and joined the ladies at the back.

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To be continued.

Something Deep

There is this calmness about him, his hard exterior shell, that nothing seems to penetrate. There is this confidence about him, in his every movement, every gesture. That reassuring eyes, that eyes that speak of mysteries. That mind which seems to dive deep into mine, controlling every inch of my senses. When I look at him and lay my hand on his chest, I feel reassured that no one can harm me with him around. His strong arm supporting me from behind, protecting me.

There is this emotional turbulence inside him that I feel on his heart. Deep and intense emotions, like turbulent waves crashing on shores, this emotions run deep inside him. This intense deep emotions smothering inside him, for the things he love. These deep waves consumes him, and we kiss.

There is this mystery about me, that no one will ever know. No one will ever know what I am thinking, or what am I going to do, for I am unpredictable. I hold all the cards in my hands, and play the game, in total control of the situation. I have the upper hand, for I am the queen of hearts. My fingers seduce, my lips entice, my red dress conceals.

There is this burning desire within me, to conquer the skies and leaving red glowing fire trails behind my every move. My phoneix force, dying to get out and awaken. No one has found me, no one has realised, but I know who I am. I am sure you do too. My eyes are burning with desire, to reach out and touch you inside, to tell you its okay, to give you that same reassurance, to go for what you want. For that moment, you felt what heaven feels with me around your body, my fiery tail encircling you, giving you courage. For that moment, you never want me to ever leave you, for you desired me so badly, so badly it hurts.

I fly into the skies once again, leaving you under the waters, where you wish I would find you again.

No one will find me

I want to hide in a place

Where no one will find me

Where I am scream shout and curse

Where no one will hear me.

There is this tension building inside me

Waiting to break out of this body

There is this evil being inside me

Waiting to control my senses

I don’t want to break down

But I fear it will come some day

And I won’t remember who I am

On the other side of the mask

Help me.

Drowning

I held my breath and sunk my head down into the ocean, swimming in the endless crystal blue waters, my feet touched the soft sands gently as I paddled along the coral reefs and vibrantly coloured fishes. Slowly, I felt weak in my lungs and I struggled to find the surface of the waters to breathe. There was no way out of the deep blue sea. I panicked and swam towards the top and felt a stone wall covering the surface of the waters. I was trapped. My lungs gave way as I sunk deeper and deeper back into the ocean depths, my fragile body laid on the sandy ocean floor and I felt the last remaining senses on the tips of my fingers before it all turned blank.

Ugly Thoughts

Why am I alive? I don’t know, I ask myself that daily, I should have been dead, but I am unscarred, untouched.

Because I am alive, I am able to fulfill my mission here before I move on. I believe in that.

And that is what keeps me living.

But it does not stop my ugly thoughts from spinning contortions of reality.

That is why I started an Ugly Works section for these thoughts.

I can be ugly too.